Curiosity killed the cat
by MsChaoticSloth
Summary: The more he got to know him the more he wanted him, didn't matter how messed up he was, he wanted him. What Roach didn't know is he was taking a dark path in to secrets that should have never been revealed. Roach gets tangled up in things he never thought possible as he learns more about his lieutenant Simon 'Ghost' Riley. (GhostxRoach)
1. Chapter 1

**Curiosity killed the cat has been updated the story line hasnt changed just updated so there aren't as many mistakes.  
Hope you enjoy :)**

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Gary 'Roach' Sanderson had been in Task Force 141 for about 5 months. He fits in fine and made friends pretty quickly. He was an easy person to get along with; most of the time he would just sit there and listen to you talk. He made people laugh with his crude jokes and his very immature sense of humor; most times acting like he was about 12 years old. On missions, though, he was good, accomplished what needed to be done. Of course, he didn't get his call sign for nothing. Roach came close to death at least five times, being shot in the arm, leg and almost being blown up by an RPG, but Roach being Roach...survived.

There was one issue Roach had, and that was Simon 'Ghost' Riley. Don't get him wrong, he liked the guy and they were friends. It's just whenever a conversation or something got too serious, Ghost backed away. Roach also noticed he didn't like to be touched; when people would pat him on the back, the guy would freeze. Roach also remembers going out one night; this blonde chick was all over Ghost and nothing. Roach even remembers Ghost kept trying to get the girl off him. He did know about Ghost's past, all the torture, but didn't really know many details, and to be honest, Roach did want to know, but there was his Mum's voice in his head telling him, _'Curiosity killed the cat.'_

It was a cold winter's night and Roach sat at a table in the mess hall, holding a cup of hot chocolate, trying very hard to keep warm. It was about midnight, so the place pretty much empty, except for the spider that was slowly making its way across the table. He watched it closely as it steadily made its way across the table, moving each leg carefully. _'Why the fuck does it have to be so fricking cold, damn fucking weather, feel like me nipples are gonna drop off.'_ Roach tried to wrap his coat around him tighter.

The large wooden, brown entrance door swung open. Roach figured it was the wind, but soon he watched Ghost walk in and slam the door behind him quickly, trying to keep as much cold air out as possible. It didn't really matter; the building had holes and cracks all over the place. Roach watched as Ghost walked over to make some coffee, then diverted his attention back to the table to see how far his spider 'friend' had gotten. He must have been spooked by all he noise; he was gone. Roach just kept staring down at the table. Ghost made his way over and silently pulled the chair out across from Roach. The two sat in silence for about five minutes. Ghost, not really being arsed, was wondering why the bug was sitting here, alone, looking like he had a million things on his mind. Roach just had no idea what to say, having so much he wanted to ask, but couldn't. Soon enough, the silence was broken.

"What're you doing up, bug?" He stared at Roach, who lifted his head to return the stare.

"Can't sleep." He rested his face in the palm of his hand, "You?"

"Same. Shit, init?"

Roach just nodded in return and went back to gazing at the table.

Silence fell over the two again. Roach looked at Ghost out of the corner of his eye and watched how Ghost just looked down at his coffee. _'I could ask him anything, it's just the two of us. I mean, he couldn't get mad at me. It's only curiosity, but he doesn't really like when shit gets serious. Maybe I won't ask him such a serious question then.'_

Roach thought of questions he could actually ask Ghost and really couldn't think of one that wasn't too personal. He thought about it for at least six minutes, thinking whether or not he should ask him, or more importantly, _what_ he should ask him. Would Ghost get mad?

Ghost looked up at Roach to see his lips twitched, his eyebrows all bunched up. To Ghost it looked like Roach was trying to take a shit.

"Something on your mind, bug?" Ghost snapped his fingers right in front of Roach's face, trying to get him out of his daze. Roach looked up and was met with deep blue eyes, eyes that spoke of so many things. To Roach, they spoke volumes. This was his chance to ask him something. Ghost did ask him if something was on his mind, "Well...nah, it's nothing," and with that Roach realized he didn't dare ask Ghost. Unfortunately, Ghost now is more intrigued and wanted to know what Roach was thinking so hard about, "Come on, you share everything."

"Well, it's something I wanted to ask you."

Ghost's face filled with slight panic; he hated talking about himself. He just wanted to block most things out and forget about them. He took a deep breath and hope Roach wasn't going to ask something too personal. He nodded his head, as if to say go on. Roach's eyes widened, he couldn't believe Ghost was saying okay and letting him ask something, "Are you sure?"

Ghost, again, just nodded his head. Roach couldn't look him in the eye while asking the question, so once again he stared at the table, "Why...why don't you like being touched?" Roach lifted his head to see Ghost's reaction and, once again, found himself staring into deep blue eyes. Something was different this time, they looked like they were filled with pain. He watched Ghost chew on his bottom lip. Roach felt horrible, he didn't understand, though he wanted to ask him this questions, now he feels like a dick. He doesn't want to see Ghost like this. He tried quickly to change the conversation, "You know what? It doesn't matter, errmmmm..." He tried to think of something else to talk about.

"How did you know?" The voice was soft and almost a whisper, but Roach's mouth fell open. Ghost talking about himself in a serious way.

"I...watched you and noticed how you freeze up when people touch you." He tried to sound calm, but he doesn't think it worked. He could hear the panic in his voice, so Ghost was easily going to notice.

Ghost nodded slowly and watched Roach carefully, then a small smile appeared on his lips; it looked like he was trying to hold back a little giggle. Confusion was clear all over Roach's face as he watched Ghost trying not to laugh, "What!?"

"It's ermmm...You watched me?"

Roach was completely taken aback by what Ghost had just said, not believing he was almost laughing, "Yeah, you know, how you do when you're bored?"

"Whatever, dude. Who else do you watch then?"

"I watch most people!"

Ghost burst out laughing and tried hard to calm himself down, "I...I know...when you're lying...Roach."

Roach's cheeks were turning red, but why was he so embarrassed? He doesn't normally care when Ghost takes a piss. Ghost had seen him in the shower, fully naked, so why the hell is this bothering him?

"Dude! You're fucking blushing!"

"Fuck off!" Roach quickly got up and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Ghost sat there trying to calm himself down.

Roach collapsed on his bed and covered his face with his arm, letting out a little moan. _'What the fuck was that all about? Getting embarrassed just because of what fucking Ghost said? I do watch most people, don't I? I mean, I don't just watch Ghost, why would I? Argghh, what the fuck is wrong with me?!_

Roach let out another little moan, got himself comfortable and finally fell asleep. He dreamed of blue eyes that were filled with pain and he just wanted to make the pain go away.

He woke up the next morning in shock, covered in sweat. He wiped his face with the back of his hand. Laying there, he again covered his face with his arm, having no idea what his dream was about, and to be honest, not wanting to understand it. He looked at his clock and was shocked to see it was 5:30 AM and he was wide awake. He knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep and decided to go take a shower.

Later in the day, after training and lunch, Roach sat up in a tree, looking out at the snow that covered the base. Something caught his eye and saw Ghost heading toward him. _'Great, just great.'_ was all he could think. Ghost had been joking all day about Roach watching him and calling him 'pervy' all day. Roach rolled his eyes; all he wanted to do was relax. Ghost looked up at Roach, who just pretended Ghost wasn't there.

"Hey, pervy! I bet you can watch everybody really well from up there!"

Roach rolled his eyes, "What do you want, Ghost?"

"MacTavish wants us to work on some intel."

Roach huffed, he hated intel, it was boring.

They sat in a small room with just one table and three chairs in the middle of the room. In the far right corner was a computer. The room was pretty dull; it had white walls, blue carpet and a window that was the size of a shoe box.

Ghost was looking over the intel, trying to find some important information that probably wasn't there, and Roach sat staring into space. He felt weird; he would describe it as an uncomfortable silence, but that wasn't it. He felt tense and shivers kept running down his spine, which he liked, but why? He tried to shake it off, but he couldn't.

"You gonna watch me all day, or so some fucking work?"

Roach watched how Ghost stroked his bottom lip with his index finger. He couldn't do anything but stare at his lips. Fuck knows why, because all he really wanted to do was look away. Ghost had a smug smile on his lips, "Roach."

Ghost snapped his fingers, which soon got Roach's attention, "Wh-what?"

"What the fucking is wrong with you?"

Roach rubbed his eyes, "Nothing." Roach's eyes shot open as he realized something. He looked down and was horrified. He looked at Ghost and then the door; could he make it? He's sure he could. While Ghost worked, Roach quickly made for the door. Ghost just looked up, shocked, as Roach ran. "Roach!" Ghost sat there, baffled.

Roach ran towards his room and slammed the door. He slid down the door to the floor and put his head in his hands, having no idea what the hell was happening to him. _'What the fuck is wrong with me?!"_

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_I don't own anything  
Thank you JacksOnlyWench for everything _


	2. Chapter 2

Ghost knocked on the door, "Come on, Roach, let me in."

Roach didn't bother answering him, he felt like a complete idiot. He had just been turned on by Ghost, and the worst part was he was looking at his lips. All he could think about was running his tongue over those soft lips. He banged his head against the door, trying to get rid of the images that kept popping into his head. Ghost noticed the bang and once again hit his fist on the door, "Come on, Roach!"

"Just piss off, Ghost!" There was no way Roach would be able to face Ghost.

Ghost just threw his arms up in the air, as if to say he gives up, and walked away. Roach could hear the footsteps getting further and further away. When he couldn't hear them any more, he rolled on to the bed and stared at the white ceiling. _'What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not gay; I've never even been with a guy before; never even thought of being with a guy. So why the fuck am I getting a hard-on?'_ Roach just couldn't wrap his head around it, maybe he just needed sex. If that was only the case, why does he feel so weird when he's with Ghost? Roach soon drifted off, dreams filled with deep blue eyes and soft lips with index fingers slowly stroking them.

The next week passed and Roach had just decided on avoiding Ghost. He would only talk to him when he absolutely needed or had to. Avoiding Ghost was going pretty well, but the dreams still hadn't stopped. When he was left to daydream, images came flooding in of Ghost, and then he was darting to the bathroom, hoping no one saw him.

It was about 6 PM and all the snow had pretty much disappeared, having only a few piles here and there. Roach sat on a bench in a huge coat, trying to stay warm. It wasn't long before someone sat next to him, and just his luck, it was Ghost.

"Why are you sitting out here in the cold?" Ghost asked, as he watched his breath from the cold leave his mouth.

"I don't really know." Roach just shrugged. He needed to get out of this somehow; he couldn't have a conversation with Ghost. It was too much.

"You've been acting a bit weird this week, Roach. Is something up?"

_'Fuck! How the hell could Ghost tell so easy? I thought I was doing a pretty good job and not making it too fucking obvious, but then again, this is Ghost!'_

"No, just don't have much to say, I guess."

"You having nothing to say? Please! Since when?" Ghost laughed as he looked at Roach; the whole time they had been siting there, Roach had not looked at him once. "Anyway, dude, we're having a drink. You should come in and have one. Better than sitting out in the freezing cold."

Could Roach go have a drink? _'Ghost already thinks I'm acting weird, and if I say no, Ghost would probably just sit with him until he found out what was wrong. It would probably be best if I say yes. I don't have to sit with Ghost, just have a drink then say I'm tired. Easy!_

Roach sat on a couch in the recreation room, beer in hand. He watched Archer and Toad have an arm wrestling match. Archer was winning at the moment, but Toad wasn't going to give up that easy. He was trying hard to push Archer's arm down. Roach felt the couch dip as somebody sat next to him. He took a deep breath, hoping it wasn't Ghost, and to his surprise, it was MacTavish.

"You alright, lad?"

Roach nodded, "Yeah, are you?"

"Aye. Ghost says he's worried about you? Any reason for that?"

Roach quickly turned to face MacTavish. Why was Ghost worried about him? Had he really been acting that weird? The only person he had been talking less to was Ghost, and okay, maybe having to run out of the room now and again, but he didn't really feel like sitting there with a boner.

"I'm fine, sir. Honest."

Roach looked around the room, trying to find Ghost, and when he did, Ghost was looking right at him. Ghost quickly nodded and then went back to his card game with Meat, Royce and Scarecrow. Roach's eyebrows bunched up and he carried on watching Ghost. What was this guy's problem? Roach continued looking on and could see that Ghost was watching him from the corner of his eye. Roach was more confused than ever. MacTavish knocked him on the arm with his elbow.

"To be honest, Roach, I don't think Ghost would express concern unless he thought it was a big deal."

Oh great! Now MacTavish wasn't letting go. He needed to make up some reason for leaving, he couldn't stay; he'd soon get fed up and just blurt it out, and he certainly didn't want that.

"I'm starving. I'm going to get something to eat."

With that he got up and left MacTavish and Ghost to watch him walk out. MacTavish just shrugged and went over to join Ozone and Rocket in a debate on which gun they thought was best. Ghost watched carefully as Roach left.

Roach sat down at a table in the far right corner, hoping if anybody came in they wouldn't see him. He let his mind wander, which he knew wasn't the best idea, but this time, all he thought about was how crap he was at keeping a secret, even his own. Why was Ghost so fucking worried? They were friends, and yeah, brothers in arms, but did they really talk that much? To be honest, Roach always wondered if Ghost even actually like him. He was so confused; he lay his head down on the table, he couldn't think about this anymore, it was just too confusing.

The door opened quietly, and Ghost looked around the room until he found who he was looking for; the brown haired Sergeant, sitting at the far right table. He walked over and sat across from him.

Roach didn't want to lift his head, he knew who it was going to be.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." Roach spoke into his arm, making it hard to understand what he was saying.

Ghost just laughed a little sarcastic laugh, "Fuck off! You've been avoiding me since we did that intel."

Roach lifted his head and was met with Ghost's stare. How the hell did Ghost know he was avoiding him. He should have known that Ghost would work it out. Roach just tried his best to lie.

"No, I haven't. I've just been really tired lately."

"So, I'm just imaging that every time I walk into a room, you soon enough leave?"

"Must be. We're sitting here now and we were just sitting in the recreation room."

Ghost stood up, his chair flew backwards, "Stop bullshitting me!"

Roach's eyes went wide. Why the fuck was he so angry? "I'm not avoiding you."

"Stop fucking lying!"

Roach watched Ghost carefully and then he looked into his eyes; those eyes he dreamed of most nights. Once again he saw the pain, but why? Why was he upset? He couldn't take this anymore, he just needed to leave. It was becoming too much. Yes, Ghost was his friend; Yes, he hated seeing him like this, but maybe that's why he was leaving, because he couldn't tell him, so there was nothing he could do to make the pain stop.

"I'm going. I can't be arsed." Roach got up to leave, but quickly Ghost grabbed his hand and pulled him right towards him. Their bodies were inches away from each other. Roach looked at Ghost's lips and then at his stubble; he just wanted to run his fingers along it and know what it feels like, but he couldn't. That wold scare Ghost away, having Roach randomly tracing his fingers up his face. Deep blue eyes met brown, and they stared at each other for what felt like forever. Ghost's voice left as a soft whisper, and you could hear the hurt in his voice, "Ever since you asked me that dumb ass question about being touched, you've been acting weird around me. Tell me why, please."

Ghost said please. Why was this bothering him so much? Roach couldn't stand it, he hated seeing Ghost like this. He'd do anything to make him not look as scared as he does right now. Before Roach even knew what he was doing, their lips met. It was a soft, gentle kiss, sweet and simple, but to Roach it was amazing. He didn't even understand why himself, all he knew is that he didn't want it to end, but it had to and he slowly pulled away, not once looking at Ghost.

"Roach, look at me." His voice didn't sound mad or angry, but Roach still couldn't look at him. Ghost put his finger under Roach's chin and lifted his head. They once again were looking at each other, blue eyes to brown. This time Roach didn't see pain in Ghost's eyes; he saw sorrow and something else he didn't really know, but he knew why he saw the sorrow.

"I'm sorry, Roach, but, no." His voice was delicate, as if to speak every word perfect, and not to sound hard.

Roach quickly looked away, he just wanted to leave, this was too much. He didn't even understand why it hurt so much. He wanted to cry, but not in front of Ghost, he'd already humiliated himself enough.

He tried to leave, but Ghost grabbed his hand, "I'm sorry, Roach. It's hard."

Roach couldn't talk, he knew if he did, he would just cry and he just couldn't, not in front of Ghost. He tried pulling his hand free, but Ghost just held it tighter.

"Please, don't leave."

Roach could hear the plea in his voice, and he did feel sorry for him. It was Roach's stupid fault that they would probably never talk again, but right now he didn't care; he just needed to leave. And he needed Ghost to see that. With all his strength, he held back the tears.

"I can't stay, Ghost. You have to understand why."

With that, Ghost let go and Roach walked away. Roach opened the door and was greeted by a drunk Meat and Royce.

"What's up, man?" Meat hugged Roach tightly.

Roach tried hard to hide his face, there was no way he was going to let these two see him like this; the jokes would never stop. He pulled out of Meat's hug and almost ran to his room. Meat and Royce watched, confused, and then were pushed out of the way by Ghost leaving. They looked at each other and just shrugged, both being too drunk to care.

Roach quickly closed and locked his door before laying on his bed. His eyes flooded with tears as he tried not to cry too loud. _'What was I thinking? Did I really think Ghost was going to want me like that? The guy's probably not even gay. What the fuck have I done?_ The events of the mess hall played repeatedly in his mind until sleep took over and he was left with his dreams.

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_I don't own anything...  
Thank you JacksOnlyWench for all you amazing help :)_


	3. Chapter 3

Ghost walked about five minutes away from the mess hall until he found a tree he could sit under. He had no idea what he was going to do. Lilly, one of the nurses, saw Ghost and walked over to him. Lilly had been working for the 141 for about a year, and she got along with most of the men. Over the past year, she had gotten pretty close to Ghost; she was the one person he felt he could talk to. She sat next to him, keeping her distance; she knew about Ghost's issues and respected them. They sat in silence for about three minutes, until she finally broke the silence, "What's up, Ghost?"

Ghost let out a loud sigh, "Nothing."

"Then why, at half 7, are you sitting out here, alone, when everybody else is drinking?"

"I want peace and quiet."

She nodded her head. She knew Ghost was lying. It was a talent she had, and to be honest, one you need if you're going to work with a bunch of guys that won't admit if they're in pain or not.

"Is this about Roach?"

Ghost had been coming to her all week, talking about how he thinks Roach has been acting weird, and now he was sitting out here alone. Ghost thought about it for a second; could he tell Lilly what was wrong, about what Roach did? Ghost decided not to tell her; it really wasn't for him to tell and he was pretty sure Roach wouldn't like him going around telling people that he kissed him. So, he decided with a simple answer, "Nothing's wrong." All Ghost really wanted to do was go and talk to Roach, but that's the one thing he couldn't do, because he's pretty sure he's the last person Roach would want to see.

Roach woke up at 1 AM and he could feel the tears that had dried on his cheeks. He was, once again, staring up at the white ceiling; he let out a loud sigh, _'How stupid can I truly be thinking Ghost would ever want me like that. I kissed him, knowing deep down, it was going to be a mistake. I could have just gone on ignoring him, but ooohhhh noooo, not me. I had to make things ten times worse!'_ He rubbed his eyes and then realized he needed the toilet. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, but was puzzled when he saw a piece of paper by his door. He walked over and picked it up. As he read the letter, his breathing stopped, he read it carefully.

I never thought it could be so hard

To lose something I never really had

He stared at the piece of paper for what felt like forever. Why would Ghost send him this? He said no. Is this just some sort of joke to mess with him? Roach put the piece of paper in his bedside table drawer and headed to the toilet. When Roach opened his door, he saw Lilly standing there.

"Hey."

Great, what does she want, but he simply smiled, "Hiya."

"I know it's late, but Ghost has got me worried."

"Why?"

It's just, he's hardly talking. It's like he's gone back to how he used to be. Well..."

"Well what?"

"Well, before you came, Roach." What does that even mean? Ghost was different before I came, how?

"Will you please go talk to him?"

Great! She can't know what has happened if she wants me to go and talk to him, "Where is he?"

"In the mess hall."

Roach set off in search of Ghost, and in all the places he could be, he has to be there. Maybe he's there because that's where it happened, but why? He said no, he doesn't want me. So, why is acting like this?

He quietly opened the door and looked around to see Ghost sitting at the same table from earlier. He walked up to the table and sat down, Ghost watching him the whole time.

"What's up, Ghost?"

Blue eyes once again met brown and Roach could see pain in Ghost's eyes, and something else; the same thing from earlier, but he can't quite understand what.

"Why did you kiss me?"

Roach couldn't speak, he just wanted the ground to swallow him up, here and now. Why would he want to know that? He must know why; why do you normally kiss someone?

"Why do you think?" He couldn't help the sarcasm, but it was really a stupid question.

"I don't know." Ghost sounded hurt. Roach still couldn't understand why. _'You turned me down! Not the other way around; so why are you so upset?'_

Then something popped into Roach's mind, "Why did you send me that quote?"

"I don't want to lose you." You could hear the hurt in his voice as he spoke each word carefully.

"You haven't, Ghost."

"You left when I asked you not to."

"I couldn't stay, you've got to understand why." This wasn't fair. Roach felt bad, yet he was the one that was turned down. He still hated seeing Ghost like this, with so much hurt in his eyes.

"I thought I'd lost you."

Roach's mind went blank, what could he possibly say? _'I'm sorry I had to leave because I kissed you and you turned me down. If Ghost is this scared to lose him,why turn me down?! This was just all so confusing.'_

"Ghost, you haven't lost me; I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"You still haven't answered my question."

Roach was puzzled, but then remembered the kiss question; why did he need to know?

They both sat there in silence. Ghost watched Roach carefully. All Roach could think to say is _because I like you_, but hadn't he been through enough tonight? He agreed with himself; yes, he had and he wanted to go back to bed, after peeing, of course.

"I'm tired and heading back to bed."

Roach got up to leave, but Ghost quickly grabbed his hand, "Why can't you tell me?"

Roach was getting fed up, this was unfair; how much did he need to be be embarrassed before Ghost would let it go? He knew Ghost wouldn't let it go and he, once again, felt the tears and hated it.

"Because, I kissed you and you turned me down! So, no, I don't want to tell you why; and if you don't mind, Ghost, I want to go to bed!" Ghost let go and Roach stormed out of the room.

The days passed and things didn't get better. Ghost stayed clear of Roach after he had yelled at him. In some way, Roach was grateful, but after a day, he started to miss him. When Roach was doing nothing, he realized these were the times he would talk to Ghost and mess around with him. Roach sat outside on a bench and he realized how much time he normally spends with Ghost, and how it sucked that for a whole day, he'd said not one word to him. _'Why do I have to fuck everything up? If I didn't kiss him, I just would have carried on avoiding him, but at least when I did that, I didn't know how much time I actually spent with him. Fuck, I have to make it right somehow.'_

As he was about to get up, he saw Ghost heading toward him.

"Hey, Ghost." His heart lifted and he was happy to see him.

"Mission in two hours, get ready and you'll be briefed on the helicopter." With that, he walked away and Roach was left sitting there, watching his best friend walk away. Had he really fucked things up that bad?

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_I dont own anything_

_Thank you JacksOnlyWench for all your help _


	4. Chapter 4

Roach sat on a helicopter with MacTavish, Ghost, Toad and Archer. The mission was pretty simple, they had to get to some computer that had current intelligence information about Makarov's whereabouts.

The helicopter landed and they all got out. Archer and Toad headed to their position, high above the small town, providing sniper cover. Ghost, MacTavish and Roach made it through the town fairly easy.

Stealth; their best option. They were doing fine, Roach watched their six, making sure nothing came up on them from behind. Ghost and MacTavish cleared any trouble from the front. It didn't take long until they reached the house; the place was like a mansion, to be fair, it probably was. They crept into the house, getting rid of any enemies that couldn't be slipped passed. They quickly reached the objective and Ghost got on the computer to download the intel onto a memory stick. Roach and MacTavish kept guard. It took about ten minutes for Ghost to complete; they were leaving the house. They were inches away from the door when an alarm began sounding. MacTavish looked out a window to see at least 20 militia heading their way. MacTavish spoke into the com. "Omega, this is Alpha, we've been compromised; need covering fire to the LZ."

"Roge that, Omega out."

"What the fuck are we going to do, sir?" Ghost asked, looking out the window to see them marching toward them. The glass shattered as a bullet flew through; Ghost quickly dodged, using the wall for cover.

"Try and not get shot." MacTavish spoke with clear sarcasm.

Ghost just gave him a smug smile, "Good idea there, sir."

"Come on, Ghost, stay frosty!"

MacTavish opened the front door a tiny bit, trying to find out what the militia were using for cover.

"Must be at least 30 militia out there."

"Thanks, Ghost."

"No probs, sir."

MacTavish just shook his head, "Right. We run as fast as we can, find cover, take out as many as we can; when clear, run again. We'll go on 3, clear?"

"Yes, sir," Ghost and Roach said at the same time. All three readied themselves, MacTavish slowly counted, each number building the adrenaline in their bodies; the fear disappearing, being taken over by the rush.

"1...2...3!"

On three, they ran to the best cover they could find, trying to shoot as many militia as possible, before moving up. They carried on with ease, taking most of the militia out. They needed one more countdown and they would be at the LZ. They could see the helicopter. He was hoping they would see another day. In the heat of battle, everything was forgotten; you just had to fight to save your own life and save the people you love, nothing else mattered.

Roach and Ghost we sharing a rusted old car as cover; you could hear the pinging of the bullets hitting it. "You okay, bug?" Ghost shouted as he reloaded his famous ACR.

"Yeah, sir. You?"

They heard MacTavish yell over the radio, "This isn't really the time for a casual fucking conversation, guys!"

Ghost just laughed and Roach got himself ready.

"You ready to run, bug?"

Roach tried to answer, but he couldn't. He tried to find his voice, but it was lost. He could feel pain spreading throughout his body. He didn't understand what was going on; then he looked down and he saw his gear turning red. He could feel himself getting weaker and weaker. Oh God! The pain was unbearable, but there was nothing he could do. He felt paralyzed, like his body had just stopped working for him.

"I said, are you ready, bug?"

He looked at Ghost, the guy he had fallen for in such a short time. He doesn't even understand, why him? He had to laugh at himself for everything that had happened over the past week or so. Ghost heard Roach laughing and look down to see him bleeding out, pure horror fell on his face.

"What the fuck, Roach? MacTavish, Roach's been hit!"

"Can you carry him to the LZ?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'll give you covering fire, get ready and go on my mark."

"Roger."

"Roach! Roach, can you hear me? Fuck's sake, Roach, come on!"

His voice was so quiet, Ghost could hardly make it out, but when he finally did hear it, a tear left his eye.

"I'm here, Ghost. I said I'd never leave you, and I'm not going to."

Roach coughed up blood as he let the dark take him over.

"I know, bug. I know." With that, Ghost picked him up and got ready.

Everything was a blur, nothing made sense, but closing his eyes made the pain go away, made it so much easier.

"_Hello, sir. I'm Gary Sanderson."_

"_You're the new Sergeant?"_

"_Yes, sir."_

_"__I'm Simon Riley, but people just call me Ghost, I'll be your new Lieutenant."_

_Roach remembers Ghost looking right at him. He didn't know what he was thinking, but one drunken night and Ghost blurted it out. He said he looked at me and I looked so young and innocent, that a guy like me shouldn't be in the Army because all it will do is fuck me up. I remember laughing and he put his arm around me and said he would always keep me safe, no matter what._

Roach heard helicopter blades, he felt a warm hand holding his, but again, the darkness took over.

_"__So, bug, you got a girlfriend back home?"_

_"__I wish you wouldn't call me that, Ghost?"_

_"__Why?"_

_"__It's annoying, that's like me calling you Casper."_

_"__You call me that, and you'll be a dead bug."_

_Roach just laughed, thinking how unfair Ghost could be. Ghost watched how Roach laughed and thought to himself that it was one of the best sounds in the world. How damn infectious it was and couldn't help but smile himself._

_"__Hey, you still haven't answered my question."_

_"__Nah, didn't see the point in having a girlfriend with a job like this."_

_Ghost just nodded in acknowledgment._

Roach missed those days, when things were simple, and the two were just best friends, nothing more complicated had happened, they were just friends. Then he remembered the kiss and, for once, he was happy he did it, because if he dies now, he would have left without ever telling Ghost; he's pretty sure, lying here, right now, would have been a lot more hurtful.

_Their lips touched ever so softly, brushing against each other. Nothing about it felt awkward or weird, it just felt right. He remembers everything like he was reliving the moment, and Ghost kisses him back. But if Ghost doesn't want him, why kiss him back? Then he remembers what Ghost said about it being hard, and it's not that Ghost doesn't like him, it's that he thinks it will be too hard and Roach didn't make it any easier, yelling at him. He had to tell Ghost!_

He tried to open his eyes, to be able to see Ghost. When he did, he looked into those eyes he loved looking at and saw true horror; was it because of him? He had to try and speak, rallied all his strength, "Ghost...I...don't care...It's...okay." His eyes once again closed and he accepts the darkness.

* * *

_I don't own anything  
_

_Thank you JacksOnlyWench for all your help_


	5. Chapter 5

He slowly opened his eyes, only to have them close abruptly, blinded by the bright light coming from the window. He tried once again, slower this time, letting his eyes adjust to the light. Roach tried to look around the room, only to realize he could hardly move. When he tried to sit up, a bloom of pain ripped through his side. _'Oh fuck! This hurts!'_ He couldn't stop the moan that left his lips.

"Roach!"

He heard his name being called by a familiar voice, then felt a warm hand lay on his shoulder. Roach looked up to see a face and couldn't help the small smile that graced his lips when he saw Ghost. Roach's voice was weak and crispy, like he had something stuck in his throat. He tried coughing, but that just ended up causing more pain in his side. Roach looked up, once again, to see Ghost and see the tears filling his eyes, "Why...why are you crying, Ghost?"

"I'm just really happy to see you."

Roach laughed again, but stopped immediately; there was that pain again. _'Fucking hell, man, can I do anything?'_

"I'm going to have to tell Doc you're awake."

Roach watched Ghost leave; he tried to remember what happened after he got shot, but he couldn't. The last thing he did remember was when MacTavish was having a go at them. _'Fuck! Why can't I remember what happened?'_

Doc, Lilly and Ghost walked in. Doc did all the testing on Roach to make sure everything was okay.

"Well, everything seems fine, your wound is healing nicely. Most of the healing was done while you were out. It's going to hurt like hell, but that's because you just awoke and you're stiff. We're going to give you some morphine to help the pain, but you're going to be drowsy in a few minutes. All in all, you should be able to leave in a day or so."

Roach and Ghost nodded and Doc left, smiling, with Lilly following. Ghost sat down in the chair beside Roach's bed.

"Hey, Ghost?"

"Yeah."

"How long was I out?"

"About two weeks."

Roach turned to Ghost and mouthed, "Two weeks?"

Ghost nodded.

"Fuck."

Ghost wanted to ask Roach so badly what he remembered, but he knew Roach probably wouldn't remember anything; even if he did, it would all just be fucked up images in his head. They didn't speak much, but Ghost looked at Roach and noticed he had fallen asleep. Ghost thought about when it happened; the look on Roach's face, how scared he looked, the terror in his eyes. He remembers the tears falling down Roach's cheeks, and all Ghost wanted to do was make it all go away and make him smile. That face, those eyes that haunted him through the night.

It was 2:30 AM and Ghost had been woken up by somebody nudging his shoulder, "Ghost. Wake up."

He opened his eyes to see Roach leaning across the bed. Ghost quickly got up and lay Roach properly back in the bed.

"Ghost, I'm not a five year old."

"I know, but that must have hurt."

"Only a bit, this morphine is doing wonders.'

Ghost laughed as Roach just smiled his usual boyish smile, "Why'd you wake me up, anyway?"

"I need some water."

"Really? That's why you woke me up? Water?"

"Yep."

Ghost just shook his head, but went to get Roach some water. As Ghost walked away, Roach looked around and noticed a piece of paper on his bedside table. Something about it seemed weird. He picked it up and read the paper slowly; his mouth fell open wide when he realized what it was. It was the quote that Ghost gave him.

"Did you think I was going to die?"

Ghost looked over to Roach with a puzzled look on his face. He saw what Roach was holding and felt as if his stomach turned inside him. _'Crap! Crap!'_ was all he thought. Ghost slowly walked over to Roach and gently put the water down and sat down in the chair. Roach held up the paper, "Why is this here?"

"I got it."

"But, it was in my drawer."

"I know."

"So, you went looking through my things?"

"Yeah."

"Is this what you wanted?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Ghost didn't speak; he hadn't even looked at Roach since he started asking questions. Ghost didn't know what to say; why did he want it? Maybe the quote just seemed right with everything that happened, but he knew Roach wasn't going to die, Doc told him Roach would make a full recovery. So why did he want it?

"Ghost!" Ghost looked up at Roach from the almost yell.

"I needed to know."

"Needed to know what, Ghost? Please just tell me."

Ghost took a deep breath, maybe when he was rummaging through Roach's room trying hard to find it he really did know; it's what Roach would think. "I needed to know if you still had it."

That was it, all the air had left Roach; he couldn't speak. He didn't know what to say, to be honest. He felt bad for Ghost, he wasn't looking at Roach and he hated it. All he wanted to do was look into those deep blue eyes.

"Do you remember what you said to me, Roach?"

"What? When?"

Ghost took another deep breath, "After you got shot, on the helicopter."

Roach shook his head, trying hard to remember. _'Fuck! What did I say?'_

"Fuck's sake!" Ghost stood up quickly, sending the chair flying into the wall. He paced back and forth at the bottom of the bed, rubbing his temples as he went. Roach just watched carefully. _'What the fuck should I do? Should I do anything? Why was Ghost even this angry? It's not my fault I don't remember what happened to me. I did got shot, after all.'_ It was just all so confusing about what he should do and he decided to speak. He tried to sound brave, like he didn't care when Ghost gets angry, but the attempt failed and his voice left more as a whisper, "Ghost, what's wrong?"

Ghost stopped and looked at Roach, "You really don't remember what you said to me?"

"No!" This time Roach did sound brave, but he was getting pissed off; he was sick of people, actually Ghost, being angry with with and him not knowing why! He wanted to know what he had said! It made him nervous; what if he had told Ghost that he loved him? That would be it, he'd leave and never, ever come back.

"You said you didn't care, but what don't you care about, Roach? Because ever since you kissed me, I can't stop thinking about you, and how I wanted you to do it a million more times! When you got shot and I saw you, I was terrified; all I wanted to do was hold you and tell you everything was going to be alright! But I couldn't! I haven't left your side at all! I fucking can't leave you; the only time I left is when MacTavish ordered me to go do training. If that wasn't a fucking order, I wouldn't have fucking left!

Roach was left speechless; he didn't know what to say. How could he? It felt as if a bomb had just been dropped on him. What would happen now? Would they go on trying to avoid each other? His heart was pounding in his chest as he watched Ghost. He didn't look angry any more, but Roach couldn't quite make out what he looked like.

"Fuck it!"

Roach didn't really know what Ghost meant. Until their lips met once more, but this time it was different. The kiss spoke of passion and want. Roach could remember Ghost's lips from the last kiss, and to him, they were...perfect. Their mouths moved in sync together. Roach pulled away, needing air, their breaths deep and heavy. This moment was perfect, like they were in their own little bubble. Deep blue eyes met brown once again, but this time there was no sorrow or pain, just..._hope_.

* * *

_I don't own anything_

_Thank you JacksOnlyWench _


	6. Chapter 6

Their foreheads pressed together, Roach held his hands on Ghost's face, softly starting to move his index fingers over the stubble. Ghost closed his eyes as Roach carried on feeling the prickly hair that covered his face; Roach moved his finger down until he came to Ghost's lips. The lips that had just kissed him, the lips that had just showed him passion. He traced his thumb calmly over those lips; they were soft and a moist from the kiss.

Ghost slowly opened his eyes and Roach returned the stare, taking his eyes off Ghost's lips.

"What the fuck have you done to me, Roach?"

Roach let out a small laugh, but continued tracing his fingers on Ghost's face. He moved carefully down his face, heading for his neck. He knew he shouldn't do it, but he just wanted to know how far he could go. He got down to Ghost's shoulder blades when his hand was snatched up, "No, please."

"Sorry. I just wanted to know."

They heard the door open and Ghost quickly sat back in the chair. Lilly walked in and was shocked to see both awake.

"You're both awake?" She gave them both a suspicious look, raising one eyebrow.

Roach coughed as Ghost shrugged and simply said, "Can't sleep."

She nodded, not really believing them; Roach looked way too flush, but knowing she wouldn't get anything out of either of them, didn't bother to ask any more questions.

"Well, I'm just here to check on Roach."

She made sure everything was okay, did all the tests she had to and gave Roach another shot of morphine. Saying her goodbyes, she was off.

As soon as the door was closed, Roach burst out laughing, Ghost just sat there, stunned, "What's so funny, bug?"

Between hoots of laughter, "I...I don't think...I've ever seen...you move...so fast!"

"Do you really want people to know?"

Roach stopped laughing instantly and bit his bottom lip.

"Didn't think so," Ghost said with a sarcastic smile.

Roach's mind drifted off, thinking about what the task force would be like, if they found out. _'Maybe they wouldn't care? Come on, Roach! Even you know that's not true. They already make a lot of gay jokes. To be honest, do I even __**want**__ them to know?'_ Roach soon fell asleep with a million thoughts running through his mind; trying to contemplate what he thought would be best, and would the 141 accept the two being together.

Roach woke up around noon, in almost no pain. He didn't really know if it was the morphine, or that his wound had almost healed, but he felt he could move a little more today. Having that thought, he looked around the room and noticed the absence of Ghost. He heard gunfire in the distance, guessing that Ghost was running training. He lay there thinking of what he could do, then realized he had to pee...bad. Trying carefully to get out of bed, he walked to the bathroom, ever mindful to not agitate his wound and stitches. Aaahhh...it felt like heaven, like he hadn't peed for years.

He heard his door open, but just shrugged it off.

"Roach!" Ghost yelled, panic clear in his voice.

_'What's up with him?'_ Roach asked himself.

The bathroom door swung open, and Roach tried his hardest to hide his, well, what he liked to call it, his willy.

"What the fuck!?"

"Why are you out of bed?"

Roach managed to put it away, but he pointed down to it with his hand, to emphasize his point, "Because I needed to fucking piss."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Ghost walked over and helped Roach get back in bed. Roach lay there looking fully humiliated.

"You can kiss me, but I can't see your dick?"

"Ghost!"

"What?" Ghost couldn't help the smile that played on his lips, his little bug, all embarrassed. "So, you're telling me you haven't thought about it?"

"Well, yeah...but..."

"What? We're just gonna make out for our entire life, or something?"

Alarm bells went off in Roach's head, _'entire life?'_. "No, but it's just..."

"Look, Roach, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to."

A huge smile appeared on Ghost's lips, as if he had a private little joke going on in his head, "But, I am going to fuck you."

"Ghost!"

Ghost almost fell out of his chair laughing; bug was so uptight sometimes when it came to, well, sex. Roach decided on changing the topic of conversation. Yes, Roach wanted sex with Ghost; to be honest, he was a bit scared, and he had a right to be. So, changing the conversation, "What do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

"Well, grab something to eat, sit with you, eat again, then I was thinking we'd fuck."

"Ghost! You're impossible, sometimes!"

Ghost literally fell off his chair, laughing so hard. He felt as if he was running out of air; trying hard to calm himself down, but every time he saw Roach's face, he just laughed more. Roach shook his head and narrowed his eyes; just then a fantastic idea hit him. He looked at Ghost on the floor, and said in a soft whisper, "You don't stop laughing, Ghost, then you will never have sex with me." He smiled his boyish smile and sat back up in bed. Ghost soon stop laughing and sat back in his chair.

The two were interrupted by Doc and Lilly. "Good news, Roach! If everything is okay with you after these tests, you can go. But, you are still not allowed to train for at least five days, or so." Doc did all the tests, and once again everything was fine.

Roach got dressed and Ghost helped him leave. Roach's stomach had been moaning at him all day, so the two headed to the mess hall. Just as they were about to walk in, Meat came running up to them.

"Hey! Guys! Great News! We're fucking off out tonight. No missions for a week. Sheppard just gave MacTavish the good news, so go get ready, cause tonight we're getting down the with ladies!" Meat walked, well, ran, away before either of them could say anything. They just looked at each other and smiled before they went to get something to eat.

They sat in the mess hall as Roach finished stuffing his face with as much food as possible.

"Are you going to get ready?" Roach asked, as he picked the crumbs off his plate.

"What for?"

"Tonight. And are you going to try and score tonight?" Roach asked, with a smug smile on his lips.

Ghost laughed, "I might."

"Oh really? What kind of girl you hoping to get with?"

"I got my eye on this one girl."

"Really? What's she look like?"

"She has short brown hair, brown eyes, quite big muscles, but I'm okay with that, and she's got a pretty fine ass."

Roach laughed, sarcastically, "Are you calling me a girl?"

Ghost acted shocked, but the amusement was clear on his face, "Would I ever?"

"I think you would, and I think you just did."

Meat burst through the door, Royce in tow.

"Come on, guys! We're leaving in ten minutes!" Royce yelled.

Ghost and Roach sighed loudly before getting up and going to get ready.

* * *

_I don't own anything _

_Thank you JacksOnlyWench for all your help :)_


	7. Chapter 7

Ghost and Roach headed off to get ready. Ghost, already knowing what he was going to wear, got dressed in about 3 minutes. He went to find Roach, knocking on his door. He could hear Roach making weird noises on the other side. Walking in, he saw him rummaging through his drawers, throwing clothes over his shoulder.

"What's up?" Ghost said, looking baffled at Roach. Roach looked at him and his mouth fell open. Ghost stood there wearing dark blue, ripped jeans that hung off his hips, a white t-shirt that clung to his muscles, and black Converses that went perfectly with the black leather jacket.

"Hello? Roach?"

Roach felt his mouth go dry. He tried to swallow to get some saliva back in his mouth, "Ummmmm...I'm just trying to find some clothes."

"What's wrong with the ones scattered all over the floor?"

Roach blinked, it was really hard to look at Ghost because, well, he looked...hot. More like mouth watering, so why was his mouth going dry?

"Nothing. I'm just looking for my lucky shirt."

Ghost couldn't help but let the smirk pass his lips, "Lucky shirt?"

"Yeah, it's plain blue."

"Why do you need a lucky shirt?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter."

Roach put his blue jeans on with a dark red shirt and his usual Nike trainers. They walked to the car.

"Why do you need a lucky shirt, Roach?" Ghost asked, leaning his head to one side.

"Well, I don't know; it's just, I like that shirt."

Ghost just nodded.

They parked outside a huge club. It was a six hour drive there and all the team were pretty excited. The place had people standing outside with smoke drifting from their mouths. People were wobbling all over the place and laughing so hard, one woman even fell over. Toad jumped out of the car.

"This is going to be fucking awesome!"

"I'm going to get smashed, mate!" Ozone replied, while high fiving each other.

Ghost and Roach stayed back in the car. Ghost looked concerned at Roach, "You sure you're okay doing this, bug?"

Roach rolled his eyes, "Is this why we stayed behind?"

"Roach, you were just shot and now we're out drinking, you were meant to be resting."

"Look, I'll be fine. I'm not drinking, so everything is going to be okay."

Ghost watched him carefully, and nodded. The two made their way into the club.

The placed called 'Twisting' was filled with people dancing, drinking and men chatting up women. Flashing lights filled the place, not one light stayed the same color for more than 3 minutes. The DJ played bits that echoed throughout the building, and was so loud you couldn't even hear yourself think. Roach and Ghost made their way to the bar and ordered their usual drinks. The looked out to the crowd and saw Meat and Toad coming at them. Ghost rolled his eyes and turned back around to the bar.

"Dudes! You finally made it!" Roach watched his lips, trying to understand what Meat was actually saying.

"Yeah, dude!" Roach put his thumb up.

"Hey! I've just saw two guys making out!" Toad made a disgusted face and tried point to where he saw it, but the crowd was too big and the two guys had disappeared. Ghost looked at Roach and could see him looking at the floor. Ghost grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him out of the club, pushing past people who got in their way. He pulled him down a dark alley, where a street light flashed off now and again. He let go of him and waited. Roach looked up and gave him a sad smile and a shrug of his shoulders. Roach again looked down and kicked the dirt under his feet; Ghost placed a hand on Roach's cheek and gently started stroking his thumb up and down, "What's up, Roach?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

Roach took a deep breath, "Did you see how disgusted Toad looked when he mentioned those two guys?"

Roach was still kicking the dirt under his feet, not able to find it in himself to look at Ghost; Roach knew it would upset Ghost and he didn't want that. Ghost put Roach's chin between his thumb and index finger and lifted his face so he was looking at him.

"You can't care what they think, Roach. Please don't let it bother you."

Roach pulled away from Ghost, "One day, I'm going to want to tell people, and to know that's the reaction we might actually get from some of them, disgusted because...well, because I love you."

Ghost felt the joy in his heart as those three words were spoken. It felt as if the world was just spinning for him; Roach was the person who made it go round. Ghost couldn't help but smile, the biggest smile he could manage, an all-his-teeth-showing smile. Roach looked up and became quickly confused when he saw Ghost's face.

"What? You're happy some people won't accept us being together?"

"No." Ghost walked over to Roach and kissed him softly on the lips. He inched away, "Because I love you, too. Gary."

With that, the worries were gone and Roach couldn't believe how much he loved hearing those words. It wasn't just the words, it was who spoke them that made it that much more special. Roach wrapped his arms around Ghost's neck and their lips met once again, moving perfectly together, as if their mouths we made for each other. Roach could feel Ghost take the dominant role and, to be honest, he liked it. Ghost's tongue begged for entrance and Roach willing allowed it; their tongues dancing together. Their hearts beating faster in their chests, Roach kept his hands on Ghost's neck, knowing he couldn't go any further, due to Ghost's touch issues, but he didn't care.

Ghost pushed Roach into the cold, brick wall, but neither felt cold as their bodies heated up with the moment. Ghost pushed his hips into Roach, pinning him to the wall. Roach could feel Ghost's growing erection against him. _'Oh God, this is so hot!'_ Roach felt his own hips moving on their own, bucking against Ghost. As Ghost started kissing down Roach's neck; which each kiss, he spoke a whisper of each word, "You. Want. This. Tell. Me."

"Oh, God! Simon, I want this!" Roach's voice sounded needy, but, fuck, he didn't care.

Ghost stopped and looked at Roach, "I like you saying my name." He bit Roach's lip gently and then trailed kisses along his jawline until he bit, just as gently, on his earlobe.

"Simon, please."

They both heard a cough and quickly turned to the source of the noise. A random man, quite well built with short brown hair, looked to Ghost like a complete asshole. "Just wondered if you had a _fag_, mate."

The word 'fag' was spoken with such hatefulness as he looked at the two. Ghost didn't say anything and just handed him a cigarette. The man lit it and was about to walk away, but Roach yelled out, "You're not going to tell anybody, are you?"

The guy looked at Roach, and down to his trousers, before he quickly averted his eyes. Roach looked down and was shocked to see that he had a full erection. He covered it up and hoped that the dim light of the street light would not show how red he had gone.

"Look, what you two want to do on your own time has got fuck all to do with me." Again the man's voice sounded sour, as if he had something distasteful in his mouth. He turned around and walked away, while muttering something under his breath. "Club full of hot girls, but whatever floats a fag's boat."

This man didn't know Simon Riley, a man who had eyes like a hawk and fucking ears like a bat; he wasn't going to say anything, that's until he looked at Roach and could see the pain in his eyes. Fuck it, if he was going to let any shit bag make Roach feel like that, "What did you say, shit brick?"

Roach quickly looked up at Ghost, then at the man who was now walking toward Ghost. He tried pulling on his arm to get Ghost to leave, "Come on, Ghost. Leave it."

The guy got right in Ghost's face before more venomous words came out, "Yeah, listen to your little fag of a boyfriend."

Ghost just smirked, "You got a problem with who I like fucking?"

Roach watched as the two just stood there, looking at each other. Fuck! He knew Ghost was doing this for him, but he could get kicked out of the 141 for assaulting someone.

"Yeah, because you're two little queer boys."

Roach watched Ghost carefully. He saw him laugh and slowly, Ghost cracked each one of his knuckles. Roach felt his heart racing in his chest; but this? He didn't like this.

* * *

_I don't own anything...  
_

_Thank you JacksOnlyWench_


	8. Chapter 8

Ghost looked the man right in the eyes before he quickly head butted the guy right on the bridge of his nose. He fell to the ground as blood streamed out his nose. Ghost quickly kicked him the stomach and the man curled up into a little ball.

"Ghost! Stop!"

"Roach, the guy's a dick."

The man lay on the ground in a ball, moaning in pain. Roach stormed off and Ghost just looked and snorted at the man before he went to catch up with Roach.

"Where are you going?" Ghost asked. He tried grabbing Roach's arm, but he quickly pulled away so Ghost couldn't grab him, "Roach!"

Roach didn't answer, just carried on walking to the car. '_I'm so pissed off! Why the hell would Ghost think that was okay? What runs through someone's mind to think doing that is okay?! He could get kicked out of the 141 if someone found out it was him. I know he was just trying to help me, but talk to me, don't beat up some guy. To be honest, if he hadn't beat him, they could have finished...now that, that was hot. Can I really be that mad at him? Yes! Yes I can, and I am!'_

Roach got to the car and quickly got in, Ghost followed, "Why aren't you talking to me?"

Roach took a deep breath. '_I don't know what to say, I'm mad at you, but at the same time, he just wanted to...NO! I'm mad, no matter how good of a kisser he is!_'

The ride back to base was silent, Ghost watched out the window, trying to focus on the blur of the trees and fields pass him. Roach just argued with himself in his head, trying to think of good things to say to Ghost to try and get his point across.

When they got back, Roach got out and made for his room, Ghost followed behind, having no idea what to do. Roach got to his door, Ghost right behind him, but Roach didn't let Ghost in. Instead, he slammed the door right in his face. He lay in bed and buried his head in his pillow, repeatedly going over the events of tonight; trying to work out if there was any sense in what Ghost did, but there was none! _'He was just being stupid.'_

Ghost stood on the other side off the door, feeling the anger build inside him when Roach slammed the door in is face. Right now, yelling at Roach wasn't going to be the best idea, instead he opened the door, walked over and sat on the floor, leaning on the bed.

"I'm sorry." His voice was low, almost a whisper. It made Roach feel sorry for him, but that's one thing he didn't want to be, he wanted to be angry at him.

"Why did you do it?"

"Because that shit brick upset you."

Roach just took a deep breath; all the thinking, planning, he still didn't know what to say to that.

"Roach, you have to understand that I've never really had a relationship before; I don't really know what to do when things like this happen. All I do know is, I don't want people hurting you, and when they do, there gonna know not to do it again."

Roach looked up to see the back of Ghost's head. He just wanted to play with the man's hair, but no, things had to be serious, again. "Ghost, this is just all so confusing. My mind runs through, like a million things a day, and it's just hard."

"I know, it's the same with me."

"But, Ghost, you can't go round beating people up just because they hurt me. I know you're just trying to protect me, and that's really nice but…" Roach got up and went to sit in front of Ghost, on the floor. He held his hands in his, "..just talk to me, make me feel happier, take the mood away by making me smile, because whether you know it or not, you're really good at doing that."

"Okay."

Roach leaned in and gave Ghost a quick, soft kiss, "Can I ask you a question?" Roach asked, watching Ghost carefully.

"Remember what happened last time you asked me a question?"

Roach smiled, "Led us to this." Roach pointed to him and Ghost.

"Yes, it did." Ghost kissed Roach before sitting back down, "Go ahead then."

Roach was shocked, he didn't think Ghost would say yes, "Are you sure?"

"Is that your question?"

Roach just let out a little, sarcastic laugh and took a deep breath; it wasn't even that bad of a question. It's just asking Ghost something could be like starting World War 3, "You said you've never had a relationship? Not even with a girl?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"If you count being 14 and having a real relationship."

"That was your last relationship? How long did it last?"

"Yes, and I don't know, about 5 months."

"Was it errmmm a…" Roach was about to ask, but did he really want to know.

"A boy or a girl?" Ghost spoke the question that ran through Roach's head, "Do you really want to know?" Ghost watched Roach carefully as he just sat there in silence, "Look, it doesn't matter if it was a boy or a girl, because it was a fucking long time ago."

Roach just shrugged and something popped in his head, and left his mouth before he could even stop it, "Are you a virgin?"

Ghost burst out laughing and kissed Roach, a kiss that wasn't returned ,as Roach just looked too shocked, "No, Roach I'm not." He wiped away the pretend tears as he saw Roach face go a lot calmer.

"Then when did you have, you know…sex?" Roach whispered the last word, as if was forbidden to say.

"You know wam, bam, thank you ma'am."

"You have such a way with words." Roach smiled.

"I'm really sorry about tonight, Roach."

"I know, and its okay. I hate that I can't stay mad at you. What have you done to me?"

Ghost laughed, having his own words used against him.

A seductive smile played on Roach's lip as he remembered something, "You know, we're all alone on base..."

"That we are, bug." Ghost got closer and closer until they were inches apart. Roach could feel Ghost's breath, and god, what that was doing to him. Ghost was just about to kiss Roach, before Roach whispered, "We could watch Rango." Ghost backed away and looked at Roach with a 'are you being serious-you've just totally ruined the moment' face. Roach tried to hide his smile as he watched Ghost.

"Fine then, let's watch Rango." Ghost said, getting up off the floor. Roach was shocked, that wasn't the way it was meant to go.

Roach followed, and before he knew it, Ghost had him pinned between himself and the wall. He lay soft kisses down his neck, whispering each word before he kissed him, "Sorry, but, no."

Soon Roach's and Ghost's lips met once again, and once again, the moment was interrupted by a loud noise coming from outside in the hallway, "Wooooooooo!"

Ghost groaned and lay his head on Roach's shoulder.

"I don't think this is ever going to happen." Roach said, as he removed Ghost from his shoulder and went to check who was back. When he looked out the door, he could see Rocket, Toad and Scarecrow wobbling all over the place.

"How did you guys get back?" Roach asked, concerned, hoping none of them had been the ones to drive back.

"Roach!" they all yelled, and Rocket quickly walked over and draped an arm Roach's shoulder.

"Dude, Archer drove us back and he's… he's fine." Rockets words were slurred, as he clung to Roach for balance.

"I'm going to sleep, man." Toad said as he headed for his door. All watched him as he walked right into his door and head butted it, causing him hit the floor.

"Dude, I thought it was open." They all burst out laughing, except Ghost, who walked out and saw Rocket with an arm over Roach's shoulders. Roach looked at Ghost who only narrowed his eyes and gave him a smug smile. Roach just raised his eyebrows and mouthed, "What?" Ghost looked away and Roach just watched him, carefully trying to understand what was wrong with him. _'was it because we got disturbed? He looks somewhat jealous, but why?'_

Ghost left and headed to his room. Roach watched him and soon followed suit, thanking god that those three were too drunk and laughing at Toad to understand what was going on. Roach slowly opened the door and saw Ghost laying in his bed, looking up at the ceiling, "What's up, Ghost?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Ghost. If looks could kill, I'd be dead right now."

"It's just every time, we get interrupted."

Roach smiled and lay beside him, looking up at the ceiling, "It'll happen."

Ghost turned to face Roach, leaning up on his elbow, "Do you even want it to?"

"I'm scared."

"You weren't scared earlier." A smile played on Ghost lips, as events from earlier played back in his mind.

"Well, that's because…"

"Because?"

Roach turned to face Ghost and copied him by leaning up on his elbow, "I want to, Ghost, but it's gonna take time."

"and like I said, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to."

"But, you are going to fuck me." They both laughed at the words that were, once again repeated, and soon the conversation had dropped. The two talked for about 3 hours, about anything and everything. The conversation never got too serious, and they could, for once, just laugh and forget about all the drama and confusion that their relationship brought.

* * *

_I don't own anything _

_Thank you JacksOnlyWench_


	9. Chapter 9

Ghost was woken by the annoying noise the alarm clock was making; he tried shutting it up, but his arm was trapped under a bug. He couldn't help but smile; he looked down and saw Roach asleep, he looked so peaceful and calm, which soon ended when Roach's eyes flicked open and he slammed down a hand on the alarm clock, silencing it. Ghost just laughed, "Not a morning person, bug?"

Roach just looked at Ghost and grunted.

"Take that as a no."

Again, all Ghost got back was a grunt, as Roach pulled himself closer to Ghost.

Roach was soon wide awake when Ghost somehow quickly moved, ending with Ghost pressing him into the mattress with his body. Ghost took quick possession of Roach's mouth, their tongues, once again, moved together. Roach ran his hands through Ghost's hair, pulling it slightly. Ghost kissed up Roach's jaw line, going down his neck, leaving soft, metallic kisses. Roach couldn't help the small moan that escaped his lips as Ghost went lower and lower. He dragged his nails down Roach's chest, following the kisses.

"Oh God! Please, Ghost!"

Ghost stopped and Roach felt the disappointment fill his body. "No." He sounded needy, but he didn't care; for once, no one was interrupting them, "Why are you stopping?"

Ghost said, in a low, deep voice, "Call...Me...Simon." speaking each word slower.

The words made something deep within Roach's belly twist, making him feel all the muscles cry out for Ghost's touch.

Ghost continued kissing downward, making each kiss more tantalizing than the last. Roach couldn't stop his hips from moving. Ghost ran his index finger along Roach's happy trail, reaching his boxers and starting to pulled them down. He tossed them to the floor and starting kissing up Roach's inner thigh. Roach could feel him getting closer and closer; Roach just wanted him to get there. The pleasure ran all through his body.

"God! Simon! Yes!"

Ghost finally reached his destination, and licked up Roach's erection; soon, Roach was engulfed in Ghost's mouth.

"Simon..." Roach was digging his nails into the bed covers, as he felt Ghost take over. He could feel Ghost's tongue flicker. He was building and was so close. Sooner than he wanted, he was reached his climax, crying out, feeling like his body was breaking as he lay there, in a complete daze.

Roach was breathless as he lay there, "Fuck me." he muttered, trying to get his breath back.

"I think I just did."

Roach curiously turned to Ghost, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

Roach looked down to Ghost's erection, then back up.

Ghost kissed Roach, "Don't worry about me, I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to."

"Ghost, it's just, I don't know if I can."

"Roach, it's fine, really, but if you don't mind, I'm going to the bathroom."

Roach lay in bed, he hated this. He just didn't want to be crap. Ghost had proven that he is very talented and Roach has never done anything like this before. _'At the same time though, I don't even know if Ghost has been with a guy before, because he won't tell me. He's so frustrating sometimes, but I know he just doesn't want to upset me.'_

Roach came up with a great idea and quickly got dressed. He left before Ghost returned. He got in one of the SUVs and drove quickly to the closest town.

Roach got everything he wanted and headed back to the car, taking a shortcut down an alley. It took Roach about four hours to get here, thankfully there was no traffic. It was 10 AM and it was weird; the place was really quiet. He heard laughing not too far away, and to Roach, it sounded as if they were drunk. _'Weird.'_ was all Roach could think. Shortly after hearing the laughter, five lads came around the corner; they looked as if they were in their early twenties. Roach walked passed them and something seemed off. He felt as if he knew one of them. He just couldn't shake the strange feeling. Before he knew it, he was being spun around and punched in the face. He felt his head smash into the concrete ground, as pain pulsed through his head.

He held his head as he tried looking at his attacker, shock mixed with anger ran through him. Roach got up and threw a punch at the guy's face, knowing he'd block it. He then punched the guy in the chest, the man held his upper body, groaning in pain. Someone grabbed Roach's short hair, pulled it and smashed his head against the brick wall. Roach closed his eyes, feeling the agonizing pain in his head, which was taking the fight out of him. He tried getting up, but another lad threw a punch, and while he was down, kicked him in the stomach.

"Fucking little fag." One said, while they walked away.

Roach rolled onto his back, looking up at the sky, "Fuck this shit, man." His ribs hissed with pain as he spoke. He felt, gingerly, making sure no ribs were broken. Roach got up and made his way back to the car. He quickly jumped in and stared out the front window. He had been through worse, a lot fucking worse, so it wasn't the pain that bothered him. He knew he'd have to get his head checked out, but to be honest, the guys weren't strong enough to do any real damage. There was just too fucking many of them; five against one. Yes, he was part of the 141, but it was a surprise, and the first fucking thing they go for is his head. Roach was annoyed because he knew perfectly well the reason they beat him up. He could feel the anger building inside him, and he slammed his fist on the wheel, "I'm not a fucking fag!" He didn't want to cry, he was sick of it. He cried so much lately, for once he just didn't want to let all the shit get to him. He sunk down in his seat and the words left, ever so quietly, sounding so sad and regretful, "I'm not."

Roach closed his eyes, _'How the fuck am I supposed to go back to base like this? What the fuck is Ghost going to think? Oh, crap, Ghost! He'll make it his fucking life's mission to find the guy and kill him!'_

Roach was so withdrawn into himself that he jumped a mile from someone knocking on his window. _'Come on, Roach! You're supposed to be a hardened soldier.'_ He wondered who the hell it could be, and was shocked as hell to see a girl standing there. She looked to be about 15 or 16, he couldn't really tell. She had bright blue eyes that looked so innocent, but knowledgeable; soft features; and a sweet smile. He rolled down his window, "Hello." He couldn't help the confusion in his voice.

"Hey." Her voice was soft and delicate, "You forgot your bag."

Roach's eyes went wide. _'Crap, this girl must have seen! Shit.'_ "Thanks."

She looked at the ground, then back to Roach. When she looked back up, he couldn't notice how sad she looked. "Those guys are assholes." The word didn't seem right coming out of her mouth; she seemed too innocent to be tainted with words like that.

"Yeah. How much did you see?"

"They beat up my brother for being gay." She didn't answer Roach's question, but his mouth fell open; how did she know?

"I looked in the bag, sorry." She answered his unsaid question and he just nodded.

She looked so sad, so lost, Roach couldn't help, but she looked like she was about to cry, "Are you okay?"

She nodded her head, "Yeah. You're okay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"It's just what happened, and everything."

"Those guys are just twats."

She laughed, and soon went serious again, "It's just, I saw you yell at your steering wheel."

Roach laughed, "Yeah, it just something to...I don't know."

This made the girl laugh, but soon they heard some frantic woman yelling. The girl turned her head and said goodbye, Roach guessed it was her mother yelling.

Roach finally set off, getting ready to face Ghost. He knew it would have to happen sometime, and he couldn't hold it off forever. When he parked the car at the base, he quickly looked in the mirror. He had some bruising on his left cheek and eye. Ghost wasn't going to be able to see his ribs and the huge bruise on his left hip where the guy kicked him. He took a deep breath, readying himself. He knew, for a fact, he was going to get yelled at. He looked at the clock on the dashboard to see it was 12:15 PM, so most people would be having lunch; hopefully, he could just run to his room without being caught.

Roach looked around and saw that nobody was there; he quickly grabbed the bag and ran, well as best he could without hurting his ribs. When he got in the door, he ran to his room, quickly closing the door, he took a deep breath, closing his eyes and sliding down the door. _'Safe, at last.'_

"What the fuck has happened to you?"

Roach's eyes shot open and saw Ghost standing there, in disbelief. Roach jumped up and Ghost pinned him against the door, holding Roach's hands at the side of him. Roach tried to get free, but fuck! Ghost really had him pinned down. Ghost spoke between gritted teeth, "Roach...tell me."

How could Roach tell him? He looked so pissed already, it would take him over the edge, if he found out.

"Ghost, you need to calm down."

Ghost just laughed sarcastically and mimicked Roach's calm tone, "Tell me what the fuck has happened to you. Now."

Roach took a deep breath, Ghost wasn't going to calm down. Roach just had to tell him, "Some guys punched me."

Ghost just took a step back, with a quizzical look. Well, Roach wasn't expecting that, at all.

"So, let me get this right. A hard ass soldier, one of the best, I might add, gets his ass kicked by some dickhead."

Roach thought about that for a minute, "There were five of them, by the way." He didn't know what else to say; Ghost wasn't mad, maybe that's because he doesn't know who it was. _'This was good, just tell him that, then he won't know and he can, well, just make fun of me. Great.'_

Ghost noticed something that pulled his attention away from Roach's face, "What's in the bag?"

Panic rose in Roach, and he quickly shoves the bag behind him, "Nothing."

Ghost tilted his head to one side and smiled such a shy smile. _'That smile. In all my days, I've never seen that smile before. It's cute. Oh my God, Ghost cute? Who would have thought?'_ Roach just couldn't help but look at Ghost's smile, he tried reach for the door handle to run. Did he really want to run with what was actually in the bag?

"What's in the bag, Roach?"

Before Roach knew what had happen, Ghost had grabbed the bag and ran out the room, "Fuck!"


	10. Chapter 10

Roach felt himself freeze up, as Ghost legged it out the door. He quickly snapped out of it and ran after him; he had already made it down the corridor in the barracks.

"Ghost! This isn't funny, just give it back!" Roach tried sounding serious, but he knew he pretty much failed.

Ghost laughed, "Have to get it off me, bug."

"I'm being fucking serious."

"So am I."

Roach knew full well he'd never be able to catch Ghost, the guy was bloody fast. He tried coming up with ideas that might be able to just make Ghost give back the bad. _'Maybe if I act sad, he'll just give it back. I could probably do that.'_

Roach was knocked out of his train of thought when they both heard a door open; at the other end of the corridor was MacTavish. Roach went wide eyed, _'Crap, crap, crap.'_ He couldn't help but feel fear when he saw MacTavish; there was no way he could see what was in the bag. Oh, this was just all too much; he just needed that fucking bag back.

MacTavish walked up to the two messing around. He looked straight at Roach and his eyebrows raised, "What the fuck's happened to you?"

Ghost looked at Roach and could see him worrying, not knowing what to say.

Ghost took a deep breath, "We were doing hand to hand combat training; I won, of course." Ghost finished it off with a smug, little smile and MacTavish nodded, like he just believed the whole thing. A great idea hit Ghost and he knew bug would be mad, but he's sure he'd get over it, "Hey! MacTavish, catch!" Ghost threw the bag and MacTavish held out his hands, catching it in a swift move.

Roach felt as if everything was going in slow motion, "Nooooo!"

The only problem was MacTavish caught the bag upside down, and Roach could see the book slowly falling out. He quickly tried to grab it, but MacTavish was too quick. Moving of the bag made the book fall, hitting the floor with a loud slap. Roach swallowed hard; he noticed the book landed on its face, so no one could see the cover. Just as he was about to pick it up, MacTavish held him back and picked it up, "Love reading."

Roach just wanted it all to be a dream. _'Please, ground, just swallow me up. Take me to a place where I just sit on my own, not have to face any more embarrassment.'_ Roach closed his eyes, he couldn't look at MacTavish's face, it was just so awful.

MacTavish's mouth fell open when he read the front of the book, not once did he flip through the pages, "So, you're gay, Roach?"

Ghost looked baffled, he hadn't see the book, so really, had no idea where that question came from. He walked up and stood beside MacTavish and saw the book. He looked up at Roach, in disbelief. He knew too fucking well, he had done it because of what happened this morning. Roach, having no idea what to say, just kept his head down.

"So, you got a boyfriend back home?" MacTavish asked so carefree, as if it was a normal question to be asked; and, to be honest, it was. Roach shot his head up and just looked at Ghost; what was he supposed to say to that? MacTavish walked over and placed his hand on Roach's shoulder, "Look, man, I don't care. My sister's gay back home." He gave Roach a reassuring smile.

"Sooo...do you?"

Ghost watched the two, but couldn't help but feel jealous. MacTavish looked as if he was flirting with Roach. Ghost knew MacTavish was as straight as a fucking stripper pole, but still, it pissed him off, and without actually realizing what he was doing, he walked over and put his arm around Roach. The words left his mouth before he could stop them, "Yeah, me." Ghost gave MacTavish a smug smile that just said 'back-off-he's-mine'. MacTavish soon removed his arm and Roach just looked between his two superiors.

"Really?" MacTavish couldn't help but ask the question with a raised eyebrow.

Roach got confused. _'Is he shocked we're together, or that Ghost is gay? If so, why is it not shocking that I'm gay?'_

"You're gay, Ghost?" MacTavish truly looked shocked. He didn't stereotype people, but he just couldn't wrap his head around Ghost being gay. The guy closed himself off from everything; well everything except a little bug.

_'Right. It's because Ghost is gay.'_ Before Ghost could answer, roach put his hands up in protest, "Wait! You're not shocked I'm gay, but you are about Ghost?"

MacTavish didn't know what to say, but he saw Ghost smirking at him, "Well, it's, ermm...you're just so bubbly, Roach."

"So, a guy can't be bubbly without being gay?"

"Roach, look," MacTavish pointed to Ghost and Roach, as if he has to prove his point so something.

Roach just threw his hands up in the air and walked to his room. Realizing he forgot something, he walked back, grabbed the book from MacTavish, and once again stormed off.

Ghost and MacTavish just laughed at Roach's little show. When the laughing died down, Ghost looked at MacTavish with an expression of concern, "You're not gonna tell anybody, are you?"

"Nah, mate. I'm not that much of a bastard. Now, if I was you, I'd go see if your boyfriend is okay." Ghost rolled his eyes as MacTavish left.

Ghost walked in to see a sulking man lying on his bed, arms crossed. Ghost sat down beside him and picked up the book, 'The Joy of Gay Sex'. Ghost quickly flipped through the book, "Roach, why did you get this?"

Roach just shrugged. _'This is too fucking embarrassing; Ghost was never meant to even see the fucking book.'_ Roach just wanted to read the book, and to be honest, see if he could get any, well, tips, but there was no way he was going to tell Ghost that.

"You know, I wouldn't mind trying some of these things." Ghost said, while turning the book sideways to try and understand some of the pictures better.

Roach sluggishly sat up and crossed his legs, "Ghost, I've never been with a guy before, and it scares the shit outta me. I have no idea what I'm doing."

Ghost laughed, "It's a learning process, mate." Ghost stroked him thumb across Roach's bottom lip. "Roach, do you know who did this to you?"

Roach couldn't understand why Ghost was bringing the bruises back up, he hoped they would have been forgotten. Okay, he had two fucking bruises on his face, but still.

"Some random guys."

"That's crap, Roach; did they beat you up because you had this book?" Ghost's voice was sturdy, as if he's a person not to be fucking with right now. Roach knew Ghost wouldn't drop it, he also knew that shit would hit the fan if he told Ghost the truth. Roach took a deep breath, readying himself for Ghost's overreaction. "It was that guy from the club the other night, and some of his mates."

"What guy?" Ghost thought about it until his voice was a tight as snare drum. He quickly got off the bed and started pacing up and down the room, "What the fuck, Roach! You're a soldier and you let some guys beat you up? How many were there?"

Roach was speechless. Was Ghost mad at him for getting beat up? Really? "I've already told you, there were five, and it came as pretty much a surprise. Blind hits, and it's fucking hard to fight back when you've been smashed in the head." Roach was pissed; Ghost was blaming him. He couldn't even imagine how to describe how pissed he was. Ghost just watched Roach carefully, to see if he could see if Roach was lying. Roach knew perfectly well what Ghost was doing. He got off the bed and stood right in front of Ghost, "Why would I lie about this?"

"Because you're so fucking embarrassed by this, you'd probably think you deserved it."

Roach's mouth fell to the floor, "Are you being serious? Ghost, I'm not embarrassed by this, I'm fucking nervous what people might say, but I think I have a right. But I'm not fucking embarrassed." Roach was hurt, how Ghost could even think that?

"It's just, sometime, I feel you want this, just like I do, and then there are other times where I feel you don't want this."

Roach just groaned loudly, what was he supposed to do if Ghost didn't believe he actually wanted this? Why would Ghost think that he didn't want to be with him? A thought popped into Roach's head, "Is this because I won't have sex with you?"

Ghost just stood there, silent, and Roach took that as a 'yes'. He couldn't believe that it all came down to fucking sexy. That is just...stupid. "This is all just so new." Roach point to himself and then Ghost, he didn't know what else he could do.

Ghost just stood there, staring at Roach. Roach looked into his deep blue eyes and couldn't help but notice how hurt they looked. _'No, not those eyes. I want to be mad at you, not feel bad for you. Ghost, you deserve this. You're an asshole that just won't believe that I love you. Maybe you don't, maybe I should just try and understand. Oh fuck! This is just so confusing.'_

* * *

_Thank You JacksOnlyWench :)_

_I dont own anything_


	11. Chapter 11

Roach just needed Ghost to understand, and he knew if he kept yelling, nothing would be sorted. So, Roach calmed his voice, "Look, you have to understand my side of things. I'm sorry that I can't just fuck you, but I'm scared. I've never done it before, and it's not just the hurting part. It's the fact that things always change after sex."

Roach was starting to feel as if he was a 15 year old teenage girl, but he didn't know what else to say. He just wasn't ready. Roach placed his hands on Ghost's face and softly kissed him. When he felt Ghost kiss him back, he felt relieved. He pulled away and looked at Ghost; he had a small smile on his lips. Things weren't perfect, but at least they were better.

"What do you want to do for the rest of the day?"

Ghost shrugged, "No idea."

"One thing I know I want, is something to eat; I'm starving."

Ghost just laughed.

"But, I need a shower, first." Roach grabbed his towel of the floor; he noticed Ghost wearing a mischievous face.

"Shower maybe, together?"

"Really? Here? When anybody could walk in?"

"Lock it."

"Thanks, but I'll pass this time." Roach quickly kissed Ghost before he left.

Ghost knew it wasn't the reason Roach said, but he couldn't be arsed to bring it back up.

Ghost entered the mess hall and joined MacTavish at a table. MacTavish was completely engrossed reading the newspaper. He heard Ghost sit down opposite him, but decided to finish the paragraph. MacTavish put the newspaper to one side and looked at Ghost, "You alright, mate?"

"Yeah." Ghost had his head resting in his hands, as he stared down at the table. It was very clear to MacTavish something was bothering him; and he pretty much knew the odds we around 90% it would have to do with Roach. He didn't mind the two being together, but he had no idea if he was okay to talk about it. _'Oh, fuck it! I'm a nosy bastard.'_

"Clearly, something is bothering you."

Ghost looked up at MacTavish, "I'm pretty sure you know who I'm bothered by, and pretty sure you don't actually want to talk about it."

MacTavish had a little party in his head, for guessing the problem was about Roach, but soon went back to being concerned for his friend.

Ghost thought about the situation, over and over. He knew Roach would have sex with him, well, he hope he would, but maybe he was just getting caught up in something that didn't really matter. Ghost didn't care if MacTavish didn't really want to talk about it; he need the fucking help.

"Right, okay, here goes. Me and Roach have done things, not much...not much at all, but he doesn't want to have sex yet, because he says he's nervous, which I get, but I just don't get it okay? I do but...I feel like he's never gonna want to do it, unless I make him actually take the chance, but I said I don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to do, but I know him, we'll get so far and he'll always say stop."

Ghost catches his breath and watches MacTavish intently. MacTavish just look dumfounded, as if someone whacked him over the head and his brain had stopped fully working. Ghost rolled his eyes and snapped his finger in front of him, which finally broken him from his daze. He looked as if he was trying to press all the information Ghost had just given him.

The thing he had actually come up with was something smart and helpful, "All I know is, whenever you're with that dude, you're the happiest I've ever seen you. That guy knows how to put a smile on your face, so don't fuck it up because you're a horny bastard."

Ghost smirked and MacTavish just shook his head, but carried on, "So, if he needs time, give it to him."

Ghost started rubbing his temples, repeating a little prayer over and over in his head, _'Please don't get a headache, please don't get a headache.'_ Ghost knew he had to give Roach time, but fuck! How much time? Ghost got up and left; MacTavish picked up his newspaper and whispered to himself, with a smirk, "I'm like Jeremy Kyle."

Roach entered the mess hall as Ghost was leaving.

"Hey, where you going?"

Ghost just walked straight passed him, and Roach could feel the hurt building. Ghost walked to a big tree and sat under it, while looking at the sky through the bare branches on the tree; where the leaves had died throughout the winter. The sky had white clouds covering most of the blue, a cold breeze blew, but Ghost just sat there watching the clouds just pass.

Roach looked around the mess hall to notice most were caught up in eating or talking; he decided to go after Ghost. He walked over, with every step, feeling the anger building. He knew why Ghost was being like this and Roach thought they had, at least, dropped it for today. Roach stood right in front of Ghost. Not once did Ghost look at him. Roach waited five minutes, just standing there, for Ghost to do something, anything. When he didn't, Roach kicked him in the shin. Ghost jumped and quickly grabbed his shin, "What the fuck?!"

Roach was pissed; no, he was more than pissed, he was furious. Ghost was acting like a horny 15 year old that wasn't getting laid.

Roach's voice was bitter, but he couldn't help it, "You're mad at me? Really? Because I won't have sex with you? Ghost, you're being an asshole! I'm nervous, and I have every fucking right to be. I'm not some wam, bam, thank you ma'am, because if I am, then you can, literally, fuck off! All I'm asking for, is time, and you're acting like this! Do you not realize how stupid you're being?!"

Ghost was taken back, he had never seen Roach so angry. _'He looks cute when he's angry. No! Don't say that, you'll just piss him off more.' _Ghost stood up and inched closer to Roach, "I'm nervous too, okay?"

"What are you nervous about?"

"About having sex, but I'm thinking we get it over and done with."

"Ghost, I don't want to get it over and done with."

They both stood there, in silence, just watching each other; soon Roach grabbed Ghost's hand, "Doesn't mean we can't do other things."

"I asked to you join earlier in the shower; you said no."

"I thought you wanted sex."

"We just fell out over sex, and you thought I was asking you, again?"

Roach just shrugged; okay, he felt like a bit of a dick, but he was never too sure with Ghost.

Roach got a smug smile on his face, "You know, I really like what we did this morning."

Ghost smiled in a way that Roach knew exactly what he was thinking...

The two came crashing through Roach's door, possessing each others mouth; Roach kicked it shut. He broke the kiss to lock the door, and turning back around, Ghost slammed him against it. He had his hands on either side of Roach's head, and his hips pinned Roach to the door. Their mouths, once again, found each other, tongues exploring, feeling new places, new territory. Roach pulled at Ghost's hair and Ghost's hands grasped Roach's hips. Roach tried speaking, but he didn't want to stop, so he said through the kisses, "bed...bed."

They both made their way, never once letting go. Ghost pressed Roach into the mattress, laying on top, starting to leave small, tantalizing kisses down Roach's neck. Ghost could hear the soft moans leave his lips, he couldn't help but smile as he went further down. Ghost started running his hands up Roach's shirt, softly digging his nails in, as he drug them down his ripped torso.

The word left his lips, so quietly, "Beg." But Roach heard it, and he couldn't help but smile.

Roach felt himself building, but knew perfectly well, if he didn't play Ghost's little game, nothing would ever come of it; but Roach wanted to play his own game. He kept silent as Ghost teased him with soft kisses. He knew what he wanted to do; he wanted Ghost to be turned on, and to do that, he'd have to beg hard, play right into Ghost's weakness.

"Come on, Gary, you know how this works."

Roach moaned loudly, as Ghost rubbed up Roach's inner thigh, "Oh Fuck! Simon, I need you. Fuck! I fucking want you so bad, right now! Please! Just...please!"

Ghost smiled the biggest smile, as he looked down at Roach, laying there, and he couldn't help give Roach what he cried out for.

Roach smiled as he felt Ghost making his way to the goal. He felt himself building, pleasure ran through his body, it just got better and better, until it all burst and he cried out, feeling complete joy throughout his body.

Ghost leaned on his elbow, next to Roach, who was catching his breath.

"Have fun?" Ghost said, with a smile.

Roach looked at Ghost, and couldn't help but feel so happy. He didn't know why this feeling had just come on him, but he really did love the man laying beside him. He ran his fingers across Ghost's stubble, "I love you."

Ghost raised his eyebrows, and just stared at Roach, "You okay, bug?"

"Yeah." Roach smiled and gently kissed Ghost, "I'm perfect."

Roach started kissing Ghost, pushing him down on the bed. Roach was now laying on top of Ghost, and started leaving gentle kisses down Ghost's torso. Ghost grabbed Roach's hand, "What are you doing?"

Roach looked up, confused, then smiled devilishly, "Something for you."

Roach tried pulling his hand away from Ghost, but there was no way Ghost was going to let go, "You sure?"

Roach could see how serious Ghost was; he sighed loudly and just rolled his eyes at Ghost, "Yes, I'm sure."

Ghost still wouldn't let go, and Roach just yanked it away, getting annoyed. He wanted this, and he was damn sure going to do it for Ghost. Ghost soon gave up as Roach could hear the moans leaving his lips, as Roach made his way further south.

* * *

_Thanks JacksOnlyWench for all your help_


	12. Chapter 12

The two lay in bed with the covers draped over them, their chests' rising and falling. Their breathing was the only thing that could be heard in the room. Roach turned and looked at Ghost, he couldn't help but notice how peaceful he looked; couldn't help think about everything they had been through together. Roach looked up at the ceiling, memories flooding back, but he couldn't help notice how little he knew about Ghost.

"You're not so bad, bug."

Roach was shocked out of his daze, and tried to answer Ghost.

"Thanks. I suppose I could take that as a compliment."

Ghost laughed and looked back at Roach; he leaned up and kissed him on the forehead.

"Why do you like me begging?" Roach couldn't help it, he was sick of not knowing the man he was in love with.

Ghost rolled his eyes and stared back up at the ceiling, "I don't know, I just do."

Roach knew that wasn't the truth; Ghost didn't want to tell him, but with everything they've been through, why? Ghost talked about how much he loved him, then why couldn't he tell him the truth?

"I know nothing about you."

Ghost narrowed his eyes at Roach and leaned up on his elbow, "What are you talking about? You know me better than anybody."

"No, Ghost, I don't. MacTavish probably knows you better than me."

Ghost sighed loudly and lay back, once again staring up at the ceiling, "I'll answer three questions."

Roach smiled and started thinking; he only had three questions and then Ghost would answer no more.

"Same question as before; what's with the begging?"

"A lot of shit happened, and when you lose so much control over yourself, you need a way to find more control."

"So, me begging makes you feel like you're in control?"

"Yeah. It's weird, I know, but it helps. I could go out and torture people to make me feel better, but I don't think that's too healthy, or for that matter, legal."

"Okay, that's true. What's your favorite color?"

Ghost looked at Roach with raised eyebrows, "Favorite color?"

"Yeah, it's simple, I know, but, it's just something I want to know."

"Okay, your questions; and it's blue."

Roach nodded and kissed Ghost, softly, "Thank you."

"What for?"

"Telling me stuff about you."

"It's okay; so, my turn now, right?"

Roach laughed, "Really? What could there be that you don't know about me?"

"I bet there's a few things I don't know; like, do you like begging?"

"I do find it pretty hot, but I've never been made to beg anyone before; so sometimes, it's weird. Especially when you don't know why you're doing it."

"That's crap. I see your face; you love me teasing you until you beg me."

"If you know that, why did you ask? But, I would also like to know why you don't have to beg me?"

"I get what I want."

"How's that fair?"

"Because it is, and you love it." Ghost gave Roach a quick kiss and jumped out of bed, "I'm going to see MacTavish for a bit."

"What? Why?"

"He needs help with some paper work."

Ghost sat in MacTavish's office, looking at some paper work, signing where it needed. MacTavish looked up, seeing Ghost bored out of his mind. He decided to be nosy, "Things better with you and Roach, since you stormed off like a 5 year old, and left him standing there helpless?"

Ghost just looked at MacTavish, and rolled his eyes, "Really?"

MacTavish shook his head, looking baffled, "What?"

"Did you really need all that exact information? Couldn't you have just asked, 'You and Roach okay?'"

"I thought it was relevant."

"Why?"

"Because that's what happened; and just in case you forgot, I wanted to remind you."

"I remember it. It happened a few hours ago, so why did you just say..." Ghost help up his hands. "This really doesn't matter; yes, we're fine, thanks."

MacTavish nodded, "Good." He started getting back to work, "It was relevant." The words left his mouth, and he couldn't help but smile as Ghost slammed down his pen, "No, it wasn't."

MacTavish was trying really hard to not laugh, it was so easy to wind Ghost up, sometimes the guy made it too easy.

MacTavish soon calmed down and they both got on with the paper work. He looked at Ghost and sighed, "You two; it's getting more serious?"

Ghost looked up, confused, "Why?"

"If so, you need to be more careful; not everybody is going to understand."

"Yeah, we know."

"Also, with the job and ever..."

Ghost cut him off, knowing what he was going to say, "Yeah, we know." Because Ghost did know that any day they would have a mission, and they could lose each other. They would be forced to act like they lost a friend, even though they had lost someone who meant the world to them.

"You ever gonna tell people?" MacTavish was a bit worried, he didn't want two of his best men being kicked off the team because they couldn't hide their fricking love for each other.

"No, I don't think we're telling people."

"Think?"

"No, we're not going to tell people on the team that we're fucking, because for some reason, I don't think they would take it all that well."

The two stared at each other. MacTavish felt bad saying that they had to hide what they had from everybody, but he didn't mean everybody in the world; just the team. Some may not understand, and he couldn't imagine what shit the team would put them through. Most of the men may be scared of Ghost, but that still didn't stop them from pranking him, so it wouldn't stop them from giving him shit about being gay.

MacTavish wanted to relieve the tension, "You know it's Roach's birthday in two days?"

Ghost raised his eyebrows, "Yep."

"Got him anything?"

"Yes."

MacTavish nodded, "What?"

"Not telling you."

MacTavish looked shocked, "Why not?"

"Because. I know you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, what it means."

"Which is?"

They went went back and forth like that for hours, pissing each other off. No more serious conversation was made. Around 2300 hours, all the paper work had finally been done, and Ghost was making his way back to his room. He opened his door and saw someone already sleeping in his bed. Ghost couldn't help the smile, seeing Roach lying there, snoring his head off. Ghost slid into bed, trying not to wake Roach; he wrapped his arm around him and soon fell asleep.

Two days had passed, and it was Roach's birthday. He woke up to Ghost's head resting on his shoulder. He looked at the time, 0600, and it was his birthday. He was pretty excited; he couldn't wait to see what Ghost had gotten him, but he was also nervous that it was going to be shit. He tried moving, but found Ghost had an arm wrapped around him. Instead, he lay there, thinking about what today could bring. Roach lay there for almost half an hour, before Ghost decided to wake up. Ghost's eyes flickered open and he rolled over.

"Morning," Roach said, with a big grin on his face.

"Morning, bug." Ghost yawned and his eyes fell back closed.

"Ghost!" Roach sounded louder than he intended. Hoping no one heard him, he lay there, listening to see if anyone was coming in.

Ghost looked at him with a smirk on his face, "Clever, bug."

"Whatever."

Ghost gave Roach a quick kiss, "Happy Birthday."

Roach couldn't help but smile, he gave Ghost a longer, deeper kiss.

Ghost got out of bed and put some bottoms on before he left, leaving Roach baffled. Ghost came back in five minutes later, and sat on the edge of the bed. He had a small box in his hand, and it was wrapped in newspaper. Roach stared at it, wondering what it could be. Ghost didn't look at Roach, just at the little, tiny box. He finally got the courage, and soon handed the box to Roach. Roach watched Ghost carefully, then started slowly ripping off the newspaper. It was a small jewelry box; opening it revealed a heart shaped, silver necklace. He just stared at it, wondering why Ghost had given him a girl's necklace.

"It's lovely, Ghost, but it's a girl's necklace."

"Yeah, I know. My mum gave it to me, because my dad gave it to her. She said I should give it to someone I love, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. No matter what you go through, to show what you'll go through, to be with one person, one person who means everything to you, who is everything to you."

Roach was left speechless; he couldn't believe it.

"I know we haven't known each other long, and you say you don't know me all that well, but I know I love you, and I know I'll always love you." Ghost sounded panicked, maybe because Roach just sat there, staring at the necklace.

Roach picked it up and handed it to Ghost, "Put it on me."

"You don't have to wear it."

"I want to."

Roach turned around, and Ghost put the necklace on him.

Roach turned back around to face Ghost. He just reached out and pulled Ghost into a kiss; the kiss was passionate, but Roach stopped and pressed his forehead against Ghost's, "I want to have sex."

Ghost backed away, and looked at Roach with confusion, "What?"

"Ghost, you heard me."

They both sat on the bed staring at each other.

* * *

**Thank You JacksOnlyWench for all your help **


	13. Chapter 13

Ghost watched Roach carefully, looking to see if he could notice any traces of lying. Ghost didn't understand why, he just wanted to make sure, "Are you 100% sure?"

Roach rolled his eyes, "Yes."

"This isn't really how I thought it would happen."

"Well, what did you think?"

Ghost just thought, "That we'd just be in the heat of the moment."

Roach couldn't help the little giggle that left his lips, "Heat of the moment?"

This time, Ghost was rolling his eyes. With that, Roach leaned in and started to passionately kiss Ghost. "If you ask me, this is the perfect moment." Roach said with a little smile.

Ghost pushed Roach down, so he was lying on top and leaned in, whispering in his ear, "Actually, I couldn't agree more."

Their lips were, once again, connected in a rough, yet passionate kiss; tongues invading each others mouths, soaking in the moans.

Ghost sat up, lifting his shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor, Roach mimicking the action; their skin touching, rubbing against each other. Ghost's hand felt everywhere over Roach's torso, feeling every muscle flex with the moving of Roach's hips. Ghost started to lightly bite and nip at Roach's neck; Roach didn't realize how much he actually wanted this, but his hips had already started to move, and he could hear the moans coming from his lips as Ghost made his way down his torso, peppering him with light kisses. Ghost started working on Roach's trousers, and slipped them off, along with his boxers. He began kissing his way up Roach's inner thigh.

"Oh, I want you, Simon!"

"I know, Gary."

Roach lay his head back, feeling the moment getting more tense; Ghost leaned up and bit at Roach's bottom lip, "Come on, Gary."

Roach leaned up and started undoing Ghost's trousers; now they were both completely naked. Roach could feel Ghost's hard-on rubbing against his own and the moans were getting louder.

"Please, Simon."

"Please, what, Gary?"

Ghost was teasing him, leaving light kisses all over his body, biting him hard, which would definitely leave marks, but Roach didn't care; the words came out as a plea with such desperation, "Fuck me."

Ghost wore a wicked smile, and said in a low deep voice, "With pleasure."

Roach looked at him; he felt scared, but, everything Ghost had done, he just wanted nothing more than for this man to be inside of him. He turned over, shoving his head in the pillow. He heard Ghost open the drawer, which meant he was pulling out the lube.

Ghost stroked his hand down Roach's back, as he could tell he was tensing up, "I'm going to need you to relax."

Roach started taking deep breaths; he knew it would just hurt ten times more, if he didn't relax. Ghost rubbed lube on his erection, and around Roach's hole. He slowly pushed in one finger, trying to get Roach accustomed to the feeling of intrusion. Roach couldn't help the little yelp that left his mouth. It felt weird, alien; soon, Ghost put another finger in, which made it feel even more strange, but it didn't hurt, until Ghost started to actually move his fingers. It kind of hurt, which made Gary tense up again.

"Trust me." Ghost spoke in such a low, deep voice, and the words just made Roach relax.

The fingers were gone, and Ghost started to slowly push in, "Fuck! You're tight."

Roach bit his bottom lip, as he held the covers in a tight grip in his fists.

Ghost began to move slowly, pushing in and out; it was getting easier with each stroke, so he started to move a little faster.

Roach could feel the pain slowly being replaced with pleasure. The word came out before Roach even realized it, "Harder."

Ghost did just that, and it hit right on the mark for Roach; he started panting, as their hips found a natural rhythm. Ghost pushed in, Roach pushed back, and the feeling was deeper and ultimately fulfilling. It was extraordinary; then, Ghost reach around to Roach's abandoned erection. The intensity was slowly become too much, and Roach couldn't stop himself; he wanted it to last longer. He cried out with his climax, and Ghost followed soon after.

Ghost slowly pulled out and collapsed next to Roach. Roach was lying on his stomach, as his arms and legs had simply given out. They were both struggling to regain their breath. Ghost leaned over and gave Roach a quick kiss; Roach appeared to be falling asleep.

In the mess hall, the Task Force was setting up Roach's surprise party. They used what they could find on the base for the decorations. Ozone and Scarecrow had made a banner saying 'Happy Birthday', Toad had tried to make him a chocolate cake, Royce got some beer and vodka for the party and Archer had some music ready. The place looked marginally good, and actually looked like a place for a party. They smiled happily at their work, as MacTavish and Ghost sat at a table in the back.

MacTavish looked around at their work, "Think Roach is gonna like it?"

"Yeah, dude appreciates anything."

"Is that why he's with you?" MacTavish said, with a cheeky grin.

Ghost narrowed his eyes and just gave him the finger.

Toad and Royce walked over, "It's done," Royce said, looking around the room.

"You're telling us because..." Ghost asked.

"Well, I thought you'd go get him."

Ghost raised his brows, "Why?"

"Because you two are like best mates."

MacTavish couldn't stop himself from laughing, getting confused looks from both Royce and Toad, while Ghost just glared at him. Even with Ghost's glare, he couldn't stop. Royce and Toad just shared looks as they watched the two. Ghost signed loudly and got up to get Roach.

Ghost walked into the recreation room and saw Roach sitting on the couch, laughing his head off as Meat was picking cards up off the floor. Ghost rolled his eyes and leaned on the back of the couch, "Come on."

Roach calmed himself down, wiping at his eyes, "Where we going?"

"I'm hungry."

Meat quickly stood up, "Yeah, me, too."

Roach gave the both suspicious looks, but just shrugged and followed them.

Roach almost hit the floor when everyone jumped out; there was no way he was expecting this.

They all congratulated him with hugs and high-fives.

"So, how's it feel, Roach? 24!" Archer said, putting an arm around him. Meat approached the two, handing Roach a shot of vodka.

"Not that different, really," he said with a smile. He knocked back the shot and his face grimaced in disgust.

Meat patted him on the back, "Don't worry, mate; plenty more where that came from."

The night went on with loud music, people knocking back multiple drinks, and trying their best to dance.

As the night came to an end, they sat around a table talking about home, people they missed, people they didn't.

Meat had just finished telling a story about his worst break up.

"Roach, you're the birthday boy, what's your worst ex-girlfriend story?" Archer said, passing him a beer.

Roach felt weird talking about it, and he couldn't understand why; he felt as if someone was watching him. Looking around, he saw everybody was watching him. Ghost sat there with a raised brow, watching him carefully, and Roach was overtake with shyness.

"Come on, bug." Ghost shouted from down the table.

"I was a loner in school, didn't really have friends; they thought I was weird, which to be fair, I was, but there was this girl, she was beautiful, long flowing blonde hair, bright blue eyes. She had moved schools, and turned out she was picked on too. What for? Fuck knows, she was beautiful." Roach looked sad as he stared down at the table. "We became friends, then one day, she kissed me; and it was great. For once I didn't feel like a freak." Roach just chuckled a bit, as if remembering the rest. "Turned out it was all a joke, she knew Caroline, the popular girl in school. They planned it for a joke to see what weird stuff I would do, but I didn't do anything weird. Then again, I didn't actually go out with her, so guess that doesn't count. Oh well." Roach laughed, looking at everybody. They were all looking at him with sorrowful eyes.

"Some fucking girls, man." Meat said.

Roach just nodded, he really didn't care about it anymore.

Meat patted him on the back, "Shots!" he yelled and everybody cheered.

Roach and Ghost sat at the table, Ghost moved next to Roach and linked their fingers together under the table. Roach looked at him and smiled.

"You okay?" Ghost asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah, Ghost, I'm fine."

"The girl sounds like a true bitch."

Roach snorted, "The girl was a true bitch."

Ghost laughed, which made Roach smile, "I love hearing you laugh." Roach said.

They were both sitting, just looking into each others eyes, "I really want to kiss you." Ghost's voice was deep, and it made Roach heat up.

"I really want you to kiss me."

"Roach! Come on, shot!" Meat yelled.

Roach and Ghost quickly looked away and let go of each others hands.

Ghost laughed, "You're going red, bug."

"Fuck off."

Ghost squeezed Roach's thigh, before getting up and going to get a beer.

It was about 0200, and everybody was smashed; which meant they were either making their way to bed, alone or carrying someone, or already passed out and not going anywhere. Two people sat right in the corner of the room, out of everybody's way.

"You're drunk." Ghost said, bluntly.

Roach's words were slurred, and he tried hard to keep his finger still as he pointed at Ghost, but the thing was pretty much everywhere, "Nnn...No shit, Sherlock."

Ghost took a deep breath, and started drumming his fingers on the table. Roach watched them carefully, and gently stroked one. "These fingers; oh, so talented." He slammed his head on the table, soon shooting back up, rubbing his head, "Ow, tables are hard." The word 'hard' sent him to giggles, "Hard," his whispered, as if it was evil and shouldn't be said aloud.

"Smooth, bug," Ghost said, just watching him.

"Pffft," was the only thing Roach could manage to say. A grin appeared on Roach's face, and he leaned in to whisper in Ghost's ear, "You know, Ghost, I was reading that book today. There are some things in there that sound quite...HOT." Roach's voice was low and seductive.

A wicked smile graced Ghost's face; he grabbed Roach's hand and led him out of the mess hall, down the corridor and into his room, pushing him down on his bed. Roach grabbed Ghost by his shirt and pulled him down, so Roach was lying on top. He started to kiss Ghost; the kiss wasn't great with Roach being completely drunk, but Ghost didn't really care. Roach shot up; hand over his mouth; Ghost narrowed his eyes.

"Fucking no, Roach." Ghost quickly got Roach off him.

When Roach got up, puke went everywhere.

"Fuck's sake." Ghost was pissed, "Go to the bathroom."

Roach quickly ran out and made his way to the bathroom.

Ghost sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Fucking bug."

* * *

**Thank You JacksOnlyWench for all your help**


	14. Chapter 14

Ghost was kneeling on the floor, cleaning up the horrid mess Roach had made. He was getting pissed at the bug for getting this drunk, and then getting sick all over his floor, "Fucking people; can't handled there fucking drink."

Ghost sighed as he got up, taking the stuff to the garbage can. Finally, the floor was clear of vomit. He made his way to the toilet to find Roach; when he walked in, he couldn't help but smirk when he saw Roach, falling asleep on the floor.

"Come on, bug." Ghost kicked him lightly.

"No. I'm comfy here." Roach mumbled, as he curled in a little ball on the floor.

Ghost leaned over and looked in the toilet; he quickly flushed it to get rid of the disgusting contents. He grabbed Roach's hand and tried hard to pull him up, Roach shot up, almost falling back down, but luckily, Ghost caught him.

"You are very brave." Roach smiled, as he rested his head on Ghost chest.

Ghost furrowed his brows; he helped Roach to his room, laying him down in bed. Ghost smiled at the drunken mess before he walked out.

Roach shot up in bed, holding his hands to his head, as it pounded with pain, "Oooooh fuck!"

Roach tried looking in his drawers for something to take away the pain, when he came across a little box; he quickly swallowed two with the water on his bedside table. He lay back down, sighing loudly, until a thought popped in his head, _'where's Ghost?' _

Roach got up and saw it was 0500 hours. He went to Ghost's room, deciding to just walk in, not wanting to wake him. Roach was shocked when he noticed Ghost wasn't there; he bit slightly on his bottom lip, trying to think of where Ghost could be. Deciding to go and look for him, Roach left the barracks and saw someone sitting on a bench, who looked very familiar.

Roach walked over, joining Ghost on the bench, "Hey." Roach smiled.

"Hey." Ghost let the smoke drift out of his mouth.

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Then, why are you sitting out here, at five the morning?"

"Couldn't sleep, wanted a fag, so came out here"

Roach nodded; he kicked his feet, as they sat there in silence. Roach looked over at Ghost with furrowed brows, "Did you sleep in my bed last night?"

Ghost just shook his head. "Nope."

"Why not?"

"You were fucked." Ghost smirked as he looked at Roach's reaction.

"I wasn't that bad."

"Yeah, okay then, do you remember puking all over my floor?"

Roach widen his eyes, obviously not remembering, "Really? Fuck, sorry."

"It's alright." Ghost shrugged, "How you feeling now?"

"My head is killing me and my mouth feels like I swallowed a desert."

Ghost smirked, "Well, that's the price you pay; you want go get a drink?"

Roach nodded and the two made their way to the mess hall; Roach sat down at the usual table, while Ghost got Roach a glass of water and a cup of tea for himself. Roach quickly drank it down, making a refreshing noise when he had finished. They hadn't said anything since they had been sitting there, Roach looked up at Ghost, curiously, "What else happened last night?"

"Not much really...why?"

"I was just wondering if we...you know." Roach didn't actually dare say the word, for some reason, he felt a bit shy about the whole thing.

"What?" Ghost was smirking, he knew what Roach was on about, but he always loved teasing him.

Roach rolled his eyes, "You know."

"I really don't; just tell me." Ghost tried looking baffled, but the smirk on his lips wasn't fooling anybody.

"Ghost...stop being an ass."

"I'm not."

"Ghost, did we have..."

"Come on, bug, you can say it."

"For fuck's sake." Roach leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, "Did we have sex?"

"Good boy." Ghost winked, laughing as Roach sat there, narrowing his eyes, "And, no, we didn't."

"That's shocking." Roach said.

"Why?" Ghost was actually confused now.

"That you didn't take advantage." Roach half smirked.

Ghost just mockingly laughed, "You're so funny, and to be honest, I did try."

"Try? Did I stop you?" Roach furrowed his brows.

"Well, no...you puked."

Roach's mouth fell open, and for some reason, he felt a bit guilty, but he still couldn't stop himself from laughing, "That's why?"

Ghost just nodded, "But, you could make up for it?"

"How would I do that?" Roach asked, with a smile.

"Here?"

The smile soon disappeared, "What? What if someone walked in?"

"I doubt they will, and it might make it a little more fun."

Roach sat there, thinking about it for a moment, "Okay, I will, but I get to ask you one question and you have to answer."

Ghost watched Roach carefully, "What question?"

"No, you just have to agree; we have sex, then you answer."

Ghost leaned over the table as he kissed Roach, "Fine, but we fuck here, on this table."

"Fine." Roach had a wicked smile. Ghost pulled their lips together and Roach moaned lightly, giving Ghost the entrance to move his tongue in. Things got heavy fast, and Ghost was just about to remove Roach's clothes, but Roach pulled away, placing his finger on Ghost's lips to quiet him; outside the door there were voices.

Roach and Ghost quickly sat down, trying to look normal, but Roach was sitting there with a hard-on, not making the situation easy. Archer, Toad and Worm walked into the room and nodded at the two in the corner, which was returned.

"Come on, lets go." Ghost said, quietly.

Roach looked panicked as he quickly shook his head.

"What's up?" Ghost asked, looking baffled.

"I... ermm...can't, at the moment."

"Why?"

"I have...a tent."

Ghost burst out laughing, making the other three to look over.

Roach hit Ghost on the arm, "Shut the fuck up!"

Ghost tried calming himself, but he just laughed more with the look on Roach's face. The three walked over and Roach edged further under the table, hopefully hiding his problem, "What's so funny?" Archer asked, sitting next to Roach.

"Nothing." Roach answered, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks.

"Really, cause Ghost seems to be finding something very funny." Worm said, looking over at Ghost, who just tried hard to hide his smirk.

"Really, it's nothing." Ghost looked over at Roach, who was hiding his face.

Roach took a deep breath as he felt himself relax, "I'm gonna go." Roach got up and left.

Ghost tilted his head, watching Roach leave, "Yeah, me too."

The three watched the two walk away, but shrugged the weirdness off.

Roach walked into his room, Ghost following him.

"What's wrong with you?" Ghost asked, sitting down on the bed.

"You can be an ass sometimes."

"Why?"

Roach just groaned, as he lay back, "I knew that was a bad idea."

"Well, it's a good fucking job you heard them."

Roach just sighed, nodding; he sat up, looking over at Ghost, "You have to answer my question."

"We didn't have sex."

"Not my fault we got caught, so I still think you should,"

Ghost kissed Roach, "Well, I don't."

"Come on, Ghost, that's not fair."

Ghost sighed loudly, "Okay, fine, one question."

Roach sat thinking about it, "Where is it okay to touch you?"

Ghost furrowed his brows, "What?"

"Well, you not a fan of being touched, you freeze up; I know I can touch your neck, but where else?"

Ghost sat thinking about it; he didn't really know, he had never really done a test on where he liked to be touched and where he didn't, "I don't know."

"What?"

"Well, I never asked someone to randomly touch me to find out."

"Maybe we could, now." Roach edged closer to Ghost on the bed.

"How would we do that?" Ghost looked very baffled by the whole situation, and Roach could tell he looked nervous, but he knew Ghost wouldn't admit that to him.

Roach put his hands under Ghost's' t-shirt before he pulled it over his head; Ghost gulped as he watched Roach.

Roach could see the pain in Ghost's eyes, but he needed to know, and he felt it might be good for Ghost.

Roach started trailing his finger down Ghost's stubble, "Well, you're okay here." Roach carried on, going down Ghost's neck until he reached his collar bone. Roach looked up to see Ghost had closed his eyes, he felt awful; he couldn't do it, and he removed his finger.

Ghost opened his eyes, taking a deep breath, "Why did you stop?"

"I don't know." Roach looked lost as he started messing with his fingers.

"I think we found my chest is a no-go area." Ghost tried giving Roach a reassuring smile.

"Yeah."

"My arms are okay."

Roach tilted his head, "What about, like, your stomach?"

Ghost shrugged, taking a deep breath, "We'll have to find out."

Ghost grabbed Roach's hand and placed it on his stomach; Roach moved his finger across, but he immediately saw Ghost freeze up, his eyes were closed, as he breathing deepened.

Roach didn't want to stop, he liked the feel of Ghost's skin here. He noticed a huge scar on Ghost's hip, cutting across; Roach tried tracing his finger down it, but Ghost quickly snatched his hand, he looked hurt, "No."

Roach nodded, "Sorry."

"It's okay, just... memories."

Roach started messing with his fingers again, "What memories?" His words were almost a whisper, being a bit scared to ask the question.

Ghost grabbed Roach's hand, "You only had one question." Ghost tried laughing to lighten the situation.

Roach gave a hopeful smile. "Will you ever tell me? I know I only had one question but..."

"I don't know, it's hard, and I really just try to forget."

Roach leaned up and gave Ghost a gentle kiss, "I know."

Ghost eyed Roach carefully, he could see how upset he looked, "You get one more question." he said with a small smile.

Roach tilted his head, "Really?"

"Yes."

Roach sat there, again, thinking about it; there was so many questions he wanted to ask Ghost, but he never really had many opportunities. Ghost was being open today, so he had to think hard about what question he wanted to ask, "Okay, so you like me begging you; where did you get that idea from?"

Ghost looked up at the ceiling and smiled, "After everything happened, I met someone in a bar. Turned out they were a therapist, I was very drunk and they offered to help me out; so I took it, they gave me some options and then we had sex. They begged me, turned out I really like it." Ghost looked over to Roach, who was just staring at him, giving him every ounce of his attention. Ghost carried on, "They said it was an okay way to deal with my problems, as long as I didn't, like, abuse it."

"How would you do that?"

"Hurt someone."

Roach just looked completely shocked, "Have you ever?"

"Yeah...they were handcuffed, begging to get out, but I was in the moment, you could say. They cut their skin, so it wasn't that bad, but I never used handcuffs again."

"Would you hurt me?" Roach's voice was careful, making sure he didn't hurt Ghost with his question.

But it didn't work, and Ghost looked hurt, "No, because I love you."

Roach just mouthed 'o'.

"That was more than one question, by the way."

Roach shrugged, "I know, but they kind of followed on."

Ghost laughed, as he kissed Roach, "You know enough, yet?"

Roach did feel a bit better, but he still knew there was a lot more to know about this man. Ghost had been pretty generous today, and he didn't want to take advantage too much, "Yeah, thank you."

Ghost nodded and looked over to see they had been sitting here for almost two hours, "I've got to go."

"Why?"

"Lucky for you, its training soon." Ghost left with a big grin, Roach just groaned and lay back on his bed; the day had hardly even started and he couldn't help think what him and Ghost had already been through. He felt lucky they hadn't argued and felt happy to find out more about Ghost, in a way he truly did feel things were getting better.

* * *

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	15. Chapter 15

Roach was sitting in a tree, looking over the base. It was peaceful up here, and he liked it, until he heard a voice yelling to him.

"Roach!"

Roach looked down to see Meat, Worm and Royce heading towards him; he rolled his eyes and jumped out the tree, "What's up?"

"Well, we got a fun idea." Meat said, with a huge grin.

"Which is?"

"Don't know yet."

"Sounds fun." Roach nodded and the other left to find something to do.

Roach walked in his room to grab his cigarettes; he was surprised to see Ghost sitting on his bed.

"What's up?" Roach asked, furrowing his brows.

"Nothing, just wondering where you were?"

"I'm hanging out with Meat, Royce and Worm."

Ghost got off the bed and walked over to Roach, wrapping his arms around his waist, "I thought, maybe, we could have some fun."

"Maybe later, I already told them I'd do something with them."

"Stay with me." Ghost placed his hand on Roach's hips, trying to pull him closer.

Roach pulled back, "No, I can't." Roach leaned up giving Ghost a quick kiss, "I'll see you later."

Roach left and Ghost stood there, trying very hard to contain the anger he felt build inside him.

Ghost stormed in MacTavish's office and slumped down in the chair huffing.

MacTavish rolled his eyes, "What's wrong now, Ghost?"

"Nothing." Even Ghost's voice was grumpy.

"Really? Because you don't look alright."

Ghost narrowed his eyes at MacTavish, "I know what you're going to say, so there's no point in telling you."

"Why? What would I say?"

"No, you can't control him; I know you have you issues, but that's not his fault, so you can't be mad at him." Ghost tried to mimic MacTavish, trying his best to do a Scottish accent. When he was done, Ghost crossed his arms, huffing.

MacTavish narrow his eyes, watching Ghost carefully, then sighed, "So, this is about Roach?"

"Yes."

"What's happened, now?"

Ghost sat up, "I wanted to spend time with him, but he chose to go with Meat, Worm and Royce."

MacTavish smirked, "That's kind of funny."

"What's so funny about it?"

"You didn't get picked over Meat."

Ghost just flipped off MacTavish, as he slouched back down, "People listen to me"

"What?" MacTavish looked baffled from the words he just heard.

"People listen to me, and he just walked away."

"Why should he listen to you?"

Ghost sat thinking about it. To be honest, Roach shouldn't listen to him, because he didn't control Roach. He wasn't his pet, but he still hoped that when he wanted Roach to do something, he would do it, not fuck off with his immature mates. "Because...I'm..." Ghost was trying hard to think about the right words, but he couldn't come up with anything that didn't make himself sound like a bit of a freak.

"In control." MacTavish finished Ghost's sentence, as he sat there with raised brows.

Ghost slightly nodded, "Yes."

MacTavish pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew about Ghost's troubles, and how hard it must be to live with such a fucked up mind. MacTavish, being who he was, tried his best to always to give helpful advice, even if it was to crazy people, "Look, Ghost, you can't control him, you've got to let him do what he wants to do, even if it pisses you off. Find a different way to take out your anger."

Ghost sat there thinking about the advice he had just been given. He did need a way he could take out his anger when Roach did something to piss him off. Leaving, Ghost went to the gym and started hitting the punching bag, thinking it might help. When he finished, he sat there dripping with sweat, but still felt annoyed about the whole thing. An idea popped into his head; maybe the best way to get over it was to, maybe, do something back in return.

Ghost lay in his bed, flipping through some gun magazine he had found. Around 2100 hours, Roach walked in, his usual boyish grin plastered on his face. He walked over and gave Ghost a quick peck before he jumped on the bed and read the magazine over Ghost's shoulder.

"Can I help you?" Ghost asked, but he didn't look at Roach.

Roach narrowed his eyes, "Well, I thought you wanted some fun time, and I've been looking forward to it."

"You sure you don't have any other plans?"

"Nooo, come on." Roach turned Ghost's head, so he could lock them in a passionate kiss. He hoped for it to turn in to more, and soon it did. He could feel Ghost trying to take control and the kiss deepened.

Ghost was soon lying on top of Roach, and he bit hard on Roach's neck, which he knew was going to leave a mark. He smiled when he looked up and saw his work. He pulled off his shirt, then Roach's, throwing them both to the floor. Ghost leaned down as he started biting and sucking down Roach's torso, leaving more marks. Roach was moaning as he felt Ghost going heading south, and it hadn't even gone though his mind that Ghost was leaving marks, because right now, all that was going through his mind was the thought of Ghost being inside him. Ghost removed Roach's trouser and bit up his leg, until nearly all of Roach's skin was covered in marks. Ghost pulled off his own trousers, then rubbed lube on his erection and was soon pushing inside Roach. Roach cried out as he felt the fullness, but something wasn't right. Ghost pushed in hard and Roach's hips met perfectly with Ghost's hard thrust, but Ghost would pull out very slowly, making the feeling leave Roach's body. Before he knew it, Ghost was pushing in, sending the pleasure running through his body, but just like before, Ghost slowly removed himself.

Roach could feel himself getting frustrated, "Please, Simon." Roach's voice sounded needy, "I need you."

A sly smile appeared on Ghost's face, then he slammed in again, but just repeating the actions like before, "Annoying, isn't it?" Ghost's voice was a low growl.

"Simon...Oh...Please!" Roach's body was a mess, he needed the man above him to just keep the rhythm, but it didn't happen. Every time he built, he wouldn't reach the end with Ghost's movements.

Ghost tutted, "You have to learn to control yourself." Ghost then repeated the actions.

Roach arched his back as Ghost slammed in a lot harder; making the pleasure mix with pain "I will...Oh, god, just please!"

Ghost leaned down and whispered in Roach's ear, "You will listen, Roach." His voice was deep.

Roach quickly nodded and was about to answer, before Ghost slammed back in; he didn't stop this time, starting up a rhythm; Ghost didn't reach down to Roach's erection, and soon Ghost was crying out, leaving Roach to lie there, unfinished. Ghost pulled out and lay next to Roach, not saying anything. Roach was completely confused; Ghost must know that he was lying here, still feeling the need. He could feel the tugging sensation in his belly, but nothing was being done.

"Ghost?" Roach's voice was quiet.

"Yeah?"

"What was that about?"

Ghost got up and sat crossed legged on the bed, he looked down at Roach, "You should listen to me"

"What?"

"I wanted you to stay, and you should have." Ghost didn't even look bothered by what he had just done, but the words sent Roach over the edge.

He felt more frustrated then ever, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No." Ghost said it, plain and simple.

Roach got off the bed and was about to get dressed, until he looked down his body, seeing all the marks Ghost had left. Walking over to the mirror, he saw the huge one his neck, "What the fuck, Ghost!?"

Roach looked down to see at least three huge love bites on his legs, "They're everywhere! I'm not going to be able to shower for like a week."

Ghost pulled on his trousers as he walked over to Roach, "You should just listen."

"And if I don't, you torture me with sex?!"

Ghost furrowed his brows, "I didn't torture you."

"Yes, you did." Roach pulled on his trousers, as well as his T-shirt, and was about to leave, before Ghost grabbed his arms, "Why are going?"

"Because I am so fucking mad at you."

Ghost ran his hand through his hair, "You just should listen to me."

"No. No, I shouldn't. I should be able to do what I want, without you torturing me with sex!"

"But, people listen to me."

Roach closed his eyes, he tried his best to understand the man standing in front him, but since he hardly knew anything, it was pretty hard to do. Roach took a deep breath, and his voice was a lot calmer than before, "Yes, they do, because you're there lieutenant; but it's different for us when I want to spend time with mates. You can't do this because you don't want me to."

"But, I was angry with you, and this was a way to get the anger out."

Roach leaned back on the door, sliding down to the floor, "This isn't how a relationship works." The words weren't really spoken to anyone, Roach said them aloud; for right now, he felt like truly giving up.

"I'm sorry." Ghost looked down at his hands, and his words were delicate.

Roach looked right at him as soon as he spoke the words, "I'm not a dog, Ghost. You can't train me."

Ghost just nodded, still not looking at Roach, "You can go, if you want."

Roach felt scared when he heard those words; why was Ghost asking him to go, "I don't want to."

"Why?" This time, Ghost looked at Roach, tilting his head.

"Because I don't...to be honest, I don't actually know why; but, Ghost, you can't do that again."

"It's hard."

"What is?" Roach saw Ghost's face, and he knew he probably wasn't going to get the answer out of him, because it was a personal question about him. Roach slammed his head against the door, '_why did I have to fall in love with someone who is so fucked up?'_

"When I got tortured, I lost so much control; they did things to me almost every day, and I had no control whatsoever. Just, everything in my life was taken from me. Then, when I got away, when I didn't have control, I freaked out. I just needed control. I listen to MacTavish because I 'know' I have to; but with you being with me, it changes things for me. This is why I don't do relationships, because when I do I feel like I..." Ghost took a deep gulp scared to say the last word.

Roach's eyes were wide; he couldn't believe Ghost was telling him, "Like what?"

"Promise you won't leave me."

"Why would I?"

"Because, Roach, you won't like what I have to say."

"Just say it, Ghost!"

"Promise me!"

Roach rolled his eyes, "I promise, I won't leave you. Now just say it."

"I feel in a way I own you, Roach." Ghost ran a hand threw his hair while he just watched Roach react.

"You feel you own me." Roach said the words quieter, to himself, as if confirming what Ghost had just said. 'T_he man you are in love with thinks he owns you; because you are going out. Well, that is just fricking fantastic, and if you don't do what he says, he will torture you with sex.'_

Ghost stood there watching Roach carefully, he didn't dare move closer to him.

"Why?" were the only words Roach could think of saying.

"I don't know why it happens; I mean, I always really want control, but being with someone just makes me feel that I am in control."

"Making you feel like you own that person, which right now is me."

"Yes."

"Will you always be like this?"

"I tried taking the anger out on a punching bag, but it didn't really work. Just trying it means I'm doing a bit better." Ghost tried giving Roach a hopeful smile, but right at this moment, Roach really didn't feel like smiling. He was completely dumbstruck by everything he had just been told; he remembered how bad he wanted to know Ghost, but he still felt like there was more to him. Right now he felt he knew enough, and anymore might just make his brain exploded.

Roach got up he walked up to Ghost, giving him a soft, gentle kiss, "I love you."

Ghost tilted his head, narrowing his eyes, "You're not mad?"

Roach took a deep breath, "I need to go for a walk."

"I'll come with you?"

"Ghost, I need some time."

"Time for what?"

"To think, Ghost."

Ghost ran his hand through his hair; he felt himself getting annoyed again, "To think about what?"

'_I need time to think about you, how you overwhelm me, completely confuse me, and the big fucking fact that you think you own me.' _was what ran through Roach's mind, but he knew he couldn't say it, because it would just freak Ghost out.

"About us." Roach knew those words didn't sound much better, and would probably freak Ghost just as much.

"What about us?" Ghost was filled with worry, "You promised me you'd never leave me!"

"I'm not, Ghost. This is all a bit much! You think you own me, for fuck's sake, so yes, I need time, Ghost, but I'm not leaving you."

Ghost looked Roach right in the eyes as he gently kissed him on the forehead, "I love you."

Roach nodded and quietly left. As he made his way out of the barracks into the fresh air, he felt the sweetness fill his lungs. Taking a deep breath, he thought about where he could go, where he could just be alone. Roach decided to sit in his usual tree, but he climbed higher than normal, and was almost at the top, until he found the perfect spot ono a thick branch.

He looked up at the stars, which filled the night sky, '_I'm so confused, why would... how could he think he controls me? I fell in love with him so fast, and now I'm completely stuck in love with him and he thinks he owns me. I don't know what to do.' _

Roach felt the tears roll down his face; he wanted to stop them so badly, but he couldn't. He couldn't understand how he was in so much pain. Soon, he heard someone yelling his name.

Roach quickly wiped away the tears, as he saw Lilly coming towards the tree. He jumped down and came face to face with her.

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	16. Chapter 16

She looked at him carefully, she could tell he had been crying, "Are you okay?"

Roach nodded. He couldn't talk, because if he did, he knew he would start crying again.

"You sure?"

Again, he nodded, but soon a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek; Roach quickly shut his eyes, trying to stop the tears.

"Roach, what's wrong?" Lilly wrapped her arms around him, bringing them into a hug.

"I'm so lost."

Lilly pulled away, so she could look at him, "Why are you lost?"

Roach wiped away the tears with the back of his hand; he sat down leaning against the tree, he messed with his fingers, "have you ever loved someone?"

Lilly shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, I met a person once, who made me feel special, but I knew he'd never feel the same."

"It's just so hard sometimes." Roach was sniffling.

"Do you love this person?"

Roach sat there thinking about Ghost. He knew straight away that he loved him; even though he was fucked up, he still loved him. Even though it hadn't been that long, Ghost had found some unique way to get under his skin, and most days, Roach would find himself thinking about Ghost, "Yes."

"Do you know if they love you?"

"Yes...I hope so." Roach's voice was quiet, and he still hadn't looked up to face Lilly, "But, sometimes love isn't enough."

Lilly nodded, "True, but if you both fight for it, no matter what, but because you want to make it work, even with all the odds against you, you're still fighting; then it's something worth holding on to."

Roach stared at the patch of mud in front of him, _'I do want to fight for me and Ghost, more than anything. I love being with him, even with all his problems. I mean, without them, Ghost wouldn't be Ghost. Maybe I can show him how a relationship works, without the control; we have normal moments, where you'd think he was just a normal guy with no problems trapped in that head of his. He's been through so much, maybe I should try to understand more.'_

"You've not spoke for, like, five minutes." Lilly said, watching Roach carefully.

"Thanks, Lilly."

"For what?" The confusion was clear on her face.

"You really helped me out."

"Its okay." She didn't really understand what she had done, but she always loved to help a friend.

Roach hugged her goodbye, and made his way to Ghost's room. He stood at Ghost's door, not knowing if he should actually go in or not; he took a deep breath and opened the door. When he walked in, he was shocked to see Ghost wasn't there. Roach wanted to jump in his bed and wait for him to come back, but he thought against it; Ghost might not like it all too much, so he headed back to his room and fell asleep thinking about Ghost.

The next morning, Roach stretched awake; he looked at his clock to see it was 0900 hours. He knew, for sure, Ghost would be up. He really wanted to find him and talked to him. He knocked on Ghost's door, but didn't get an answer. He looked around, seeing that no one was around, he just walked in. Ghost wasn't there and Roach tried to think of where he might be; Ghost could be anywhere, so Roach decided to look pretty much everywhere.

Roach had a huge smile on his face when he walked in the mess hall and saw Ghost sitting at a table with Meat, Toad, Archer; even Lilly was sitting with them. Roach made his way across, and was happy to find a empty seat by Ghost. Roach reached under the table and linked his fingers with Ghost's, who looked down quizzically at Roach, mouthing 'what?'

Roach smiled at him, "I need to talk to you." Roach's voice was quiet, making sure no one could hear them.

Ghost narrowed his eyes, but Roach gave him a reassuring smile.

"So, you've never slept with anybody you've ever worked with, Lilly?" Toad asked, in disbelief.

"No, I'm very professional." She said with a smug smile.

Meat scoffed, "Oh yeah? What about Ghost?"

Meat was messing around with something under the table, and hadn't realized what he had said until he heard Toad yell, "What? Fuck off!"

Meat looked up in shock, he saw Ghost glaring at him, with a look that could only be described as murder in his eyes.

Roach felt as if someone had just stabbed him in the back. He felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his body, he couldn't even look at Ghost. Just as he was feeling okay this, it happened again, something to make him want to cry.

Roach got up and quickly left the room. Ghost sat there glaring at Meat, who slowly got up; he knew he'd get the crap beaten out of him. As soon as Meat was up, he made a run for it and Ghost quickly took off after him.

"Ghost! Stop!" Lilly yelled, but he didn't listen, and carried on, just going after Meat. It wasn't long until Ghost caught up with him and tackled him the ground. Ghost punched Meat in the face and stomach.

"Ghost! For fuck's sake, I'm sorry!" Meat tried pushing Ghost off, but he couldn't.

Out of almost nowhere, MacTavish ran over and pulled Ghost off of Meat. Meat rolled around on the ground, blood pouring from his nose and a cut on his lip, "He broke my fucking nose!"

"Take him to the infirmary, Toad." MacTavish ordered, as he dragged Ghost to his office.

MacTavish shoved Ghost into the chair, and paced back and forth, pinching the bridge of his nose, "What the fuck, Ghost?"

"He's an ass."

"That doesn't give you the right to beat the shit out of him!"

"He told nearly everybody that I fucked Lilly!"

MacTavish stopped, looking at Ghost, "You fucked Lilly?"

Ghost sighed, "Not the point, MacTavish!"

MacTavish thought about it for a moment, "Roach didn't know, did he?"

"No." Ghost slouched down in his chair, "He's gonna hate me."

"Ghost, you can't beat people up, Meat now has a broken nose."

"Yeah, I know, but I was pissed."

MacTavish sat in his chair, "I'm just happy nothing worse happened, to be honest."

Ghost nodded, "Can I go?"

"Yeah, whatever." MacTavish shook his head, the man was fucking mental sometimes.

Ghost made his way to Roach's room, he didn't bother knocking, knowing Roach wouldn't answer him. When he walked in, he saw Roach sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall.

Ghost eyed him carefully. Roach didn't looked pissed, but for some reason, Ghost still had a horrible feeling in his stomach.

"When?" The words were soft when they left Roach's lips.

Ghost tilted his head, "What?"

"When did you fuck her?" Roach's words were sour, as he glared at Ghost.

"Roach, that doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. How can you possible think it doesn't?"

"Because, it shouldn't!"

"Ghost answer the god damn fucking question!"

"When you were avoiding me!"

Roach sat there, he felt even more anger rise in him. He couldn't believe how pissed off he was, "So, you fucked her when I was avoiding you? Is that why you couldn't be with me when I first kissed you?"

"What!? No, I was scared I was losing you, and it just happened."

"You were scared you were losing me, so you went and fucked somebody else?" Sarcasm dripped off Roach's words , "Instead of coming to me, you fuck someone else. Yeah, makes sense."

"It's hard to fucking ask someone what's wrong when there avoiding you!"

Roach got off the bed, standing right in front of Ghost, "Are you seriously yelling at me? After what you have done?"

Ghost ran his hand through his hair, "I don't know what to say..." Ghost had stopped yelling, his words softer.

Roach shook his head, walking away, "No, don't you dare try to make me feel fucking bad for. Did you torture her with sex?"

Ghost felt hurt as Roach spat the words at him, "That's not fair."

"Ha, that's not fair?"

Ghost sat down on the bed, once again running a hand through his hair, "Why do you care so much? We weren't together."

"Fuck you! Fuck you completely, Ghost! I was scared, that's why I was avoiding you, but instead of coming to talk to me and sort it out, you went and had sex with someone else!"

"It's okay for you to be scared, but not me?"

"You didn't even know I liked you until I kissed you. You thought I was just acting weird."

Ghost shook his head, "What? Roach, I liked you from the moment I first met you, the first time I saw you smile, first heard your laugh. When you kissed me, that's when I realized I loved you and now...now, you hate me."

"It just hurts." Roach could feel himself wanting to cry, but he couldn't, not in front of Ghost. He had to stay strong, but it really did hurt. He felt betrayed, but he didn't know why. Ghost was right, the two weren't together.

Ghost walked towards Roach, but Roach stepped back . He just couldn't have Ghost touching him right now.

"Please, don't cry, Gary." Ghost's voice was soft, but mixed with pain.

Roach wiped away the tears with the back of his hands. He was sick of this, he couldn't cry anymore; it was all so overwhelming, "I don't think I can do this anymore." Roach hung his head not daring to look at Ghost.

"No! You said you'd never leave me!"

Ghost tried stepping closer to Roach, but again, Roach took another step back. Roach looked up, and it looked like Ghost was about to cry. He had never seen Ghost cry...had Roach broke him? Could he do that? He knew deep down he couldn't, and he didn't want Ghost to cry, but all of this was getting to be too much.

"It hurts, Simon, and I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Please, Roach, you can't do this."

Ghost grabbed Roach's hand, before he could stop him. Ghost placed a hand on Roach's neck, gently stroking his thumb up and down, "I love you, and I'm so sorry for everything, just, please, don't leave me."

Roach closed his eyes as he felt Ghost's hand, but he gently removed it, looking right into Ghost's eyes, "I have to go, and you have to let me."

"No, for once, I'm not letting you go!"

Roach heard himself yelling again, "I can't do this anymore. I cry almost every day, and I'm sick of it. Everyday, I'm confused about it all, and then, when I have space, realize how much I love you , I'm with you again, and I end up more hurt then I was before...it doesn't work with us."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"I know, still doesn't make it any easier."

They didn't say anything else, and Roach took it as a sign. As he was about to leave, he heard Ghost call his name, "Gary."

Roach turned around to Ghost, he looked so hurt, so full of pain, "Just because I'm letting you go, doesn't mean I don't..."

Roach cut him off, he couldn't hear the words, "I know, me too."

Roach ran to his room, shoving his head in his pillow, to absorb the tears and sobs. He couldn't understand why it hurt so bad. They hadn't even been together that long, but his chest felt tight. He knew he had lost someone who meant so much to him, but he couldn't believe Ghost could keep something like that from him. Roach strongly knew the love was there, but he just couldn't fight anymore, that was too hard. He didn't want to be crying every day. The tears slowed, and Roach rolled over to stare up at his ceiling. He thought back to the moments of him and Ghost, he remembered how happy he felt when things were just normal between the two. Ghost made Roach feel alive, and the man did bring more excitement into his life, but the whole Lilly thing had made him give up, and again, he felt tears wanting to escape. He sat up, hugging his knees to his chest; he felt something cold against his chest. Looking down, he saw the silver heart necklace Ghost had given him, and he couldn't help but smile when he remembered what Ghost told him when he gave him the necklace. Roach was going to surprise Ghost when they talked; he slipped the necklace off and put it in his drawer. Lying down, Roach closed his eyes, and it wasn't long until he fell into the darkness.

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**Thank You JacksOnlyWench for all your help :)**


	17. Chapter 17

It was cold; freezing, it almost felt as if he was in an ice lake. Pain coursed through his body, he felt liquid dripping down his body, but he didn't know what it was. He couldn't, see it was pitch black; he tried hard to open his eyes but he couldn't. He wanted to scream out, but his body was completely paralyzed. Abruptly, he heard the clicking of high heels. The noise was getting closer, and then a venomous voice spoke, "Look at you, a withering mess, but I have to admit, I admire you. Here for three months, and not a word spoken of _who you are_. Of course, that is why El Gordo sent the best."

His eyes were rudely introduced to the bright light, shocking his system. He was tied to a metal chair in a white room, no windows, in front stood a tall slim women. She had long, sleek, black hair that was pulled back in a pony tail; she looked vindictive, with a vicious smile. She walked towards him, holding a dark metal blade and bent over in front of him. Her eyes were dark brown, almost looking black; they were bleak and demonic. She slowly ran the blade across his face, just enough to cause a tiny bit of blood to seep through. He felt the thick liquid run down his neck, but he didn't try to move, he just sat there looking into her eyes.

She stopped and ran her finger along the blade, "See, the funny thing is, we know your name, but yet, still can't find any information on you." She walked over to a metal table, picking up a pair of pliers and making her way back across, "So, tell me, what is so fucking amazing about Simon Riley, that no information can be found on you."

"Fuck you." Ghost spoke through gritted teeth.

The woman pretended to look offended, "Well, that's no way to speak to a lady."

"Ha! You? A lady? More like a mongrel."

She narrowed her eyes, snapped her fingers and a strong, muscled man walked across the room and stood next to Ghost.

"Where are you from?" she asked, with a small smile.

He sat there, not saying anything, just glaring at the woman standing in front of him.

She smirked, bending down in front of him again, stroking her finger down his face, "You know you have blood dripping out from nearly every part of your body, you're nearly useless, but that doesn't mean we'll kill you; oh no, for you, something else."

"You don't scare me."

She looked up at the man and nodded. The strong man grabbed his face ,forcing his mouth open. The woman put the pliers in his mouth and started twisting and pulling at one of his molars until it came loose and was pulled out. He could feel all of it, the pushing of the pliers, the cracking of the tooth as she ripped it out, blood pouring out, as the pain raced through him. He spat out the blood which filled his mouth. He felt himself getting weaker, but he still sat there, glaring at the woman in front of him.

Ghost jolted up in bed, his body dripping with sweat. He was hot and flushed; he put his head in his hands, "Fuck. There back."

Ghost got out of bed, deciding to take a shower to clean himself. When he got back to his door, he really didn't feel like trying to go back sleep. He, instead, went to the mess hall, happy to see the place was empty. Sitting there, he stared at his drink; he hadn't noticed someone walk in. He hadn't even noticed someone was sitting next to him.

"Hey." Lilly's voice was quiet, but it got Ghost to notice her.

He just smiled in return.

"You don't mind everyone knowing?" Lilly asked, hoping he would say no.

"Well, I don't really have a choice, thanks to Meat's big fucking mouth." Ghost smirked.

Lilly looked up at Ghost. He didn't understand why, but for some reason, he felt nervous.

Lilly reached across the table and held Ghost's hand, moving her thumb gently. Ghost wanted to pull his hand away. As he looked at Lilly, she gave him a small smile.

"Why you up so late?" Ghost asked, trying to start a normal conversation.

"Couldn't sleep, you?"

Ghost would normal tell Lilly everything, but this time he didn't want to; he felt different, "Same." He lied, hoping she wouldn't notice, which luckily, she didn't.

"Ghost, I need to talk to you." Her voice was sweet, as she looked right into his eyes.

"Okay." Ghost had a horrible feeling in his stomach, and he really just wanted to walk away.

Lilly took a deep breath, "I know it's been a while, and I've tried not thinking about it, but I can't, because I never even thought you looked at me in that way."

When she stopped, Ghost couldn't help the confusion on his face, he had no idea what she was talking about. He watched her carefully, as she leaned in closer until their lips touched. Ghost tried backing away, but his head hit the wall. He could feel Lilly trying to sit on top of him and he quickly pushed her away, "What the hell?"

"What?" Lilly looked as if she was about to cry, and Ghost couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"I don't like you like that."

"But, when we slept together..."

Ghost furrowed his brows, "It was nothing."

Lilly got up, her mouth fell open, "I can't believe you."

"Why?"

"I thought you cared about me."

"I do, just not like that."

Lilly wiped away the tears running down her face, "I feel like an idiot."

Ghost got up, standing in front of her, "I'm sorry, but it was just sex."

"To you, maybe."

"I didn't mean to make it out like anything else, I just needed..."

Lilly narrowed her eyes, "Sex! So, you used me!"

She slapped him across the face, then walked out. Ghost just stood there, and sighed, "Great."

Roach walked out his room and saw Ghost storm into his. He tilted his head, thinking if he should go talk to him or not, but immediately thought against it. Roach was probably the last person Ghost wanted to see right now.

The next few days were probably some of the worst Roach had ever had since he had been here. Him and Ghost hadn't talked once and he felt awful. Every time he was left to think, he would be thinking of Ghost. He was starting to hate the fact that he had walked away, but he was too scared to go back. What if Ghost didn't want him anymore?

Roach had just finished showering. He had to made sure no one else was in here, as he still had the marks all over his body Ghost had made. Roach was putting on his T-shirt when he heard the door open. Looking over, he saw Ghost walk in. He sat there thinking, he should just talk to him; he hated how they had become strangers to each other. Ghost walked in taking of his clothes, Roach took a big gulp "Hey."

Ghost looked around, raising his brows, but he didn't answer him; he walked away. Roach sat there taking deep breaths. He whispered quietly to himself, "You will not cry." Roach quickly got up and made it to his room. He sat on his bed, "You know now he doesn't want you." Roach closed his eyes as he lay down on his bed, "You lost him."

Ghost lay on his bed, feeling like a complete ass. He had just completely blanked Roach, and he didn't even know why. He wanted nothing more than talk to Roach and make everything okay, but he had to been an ass and fucking ignored him. Ghost got up off his bed, deciding to go talk to MacTavish. He walked in, sitting down, he waited for MacTavish to finish whatever he was doing.

"You know Lilly is being transferred?" MacTavish said, still typing away on his computer.

Ghost furrowed his brows, "What? You serious?"

"Yeah. Didn't say why, but I'm guessing it's got something to do with you." MacTavish looked at Ghost, raising his brows.

"I don't know..." Ghost shrugged.

"Yeah, of course you don't." MacTavish shook his head and got back to whatever he was doing on his computer, "So, why are you here, Ghost?"

"I'm an ass."

"Well, yes, we know that, but why now?"

Ghost narrowed his eyes as he laughed, mockingly, "Roach tried talking to me, but I completely blanked him."

"Why?"

"I actually don't know."

MacTavish nodded, "You miss him?"

"Yeah."

"Go tell him."

"I don't think he ever wants to talk to me again."

"Ghost, if you haven't given up fighting, then don't. Show him you haven't, and that you love him, show him you won't stop fighting until you have him again."

Ghost sat there, biting his bottom lip. He looked right at MacTavish, "If he's given up, why should I fight?"

MacTavish didn't say anything, and Ghost just got up and left.

Roach came from around the corner, slamming his hands on the desk, "Why would you say that?"

MacTavish sighed, as he looked up at Roach, "Well now you know."

"Know what?"

"That he had definitely given up."

Roach sat down on the chair, "You still didn't have to say that to him."

"Why?"

"Because we just did stuff, and you're trying to convince Ghost to fight for me."

MacTavish wore a sly smile, "He probably would have gotten suspicious if I told him to leave it anyway. Why are you complaining?"

Roach pinched the bridge of his nose, "This is just so fucked up."

"Your telling me." MacTavish got up as he walked over to Roach; he pulled him up and pushed him up against the desk, pulling their lips together. Moving together in rough, hard kiss, MacTavish slightly pulled away, "Everybody's got there issues." With that, MacTavish deepened the kiss, their tongues clashing together, as his hands skimmed across Roach's belt.

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**Also Lilly doesnt know about Ghost and Roach's relationship, sorry if I confused anyone :/**


	18. Chapter 18

It had almost been a full week, and not much had changed. Roach and Ghost still hadn't talked; the two would only share long, leering looks, when the other person wasn't looking.

Roach lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, MacTavish lay next to him, both dripping with sweat, trying to regain their breath; the cover draped over both their naked bodies.

"Still not speaking to Ghost?" MacTavish asked, as he lit up a cigar.

"I don't really feel right talking about Ghost."

"Why's that?"

"I'm lying in bed, naked, with one of his closest friends; so, no, I don't feel right."

"You not together, though."

"Still, don't think he'd appreciate it."

MacTavish leaned up on his elbow, "You ever going to tell him?"

Roach laughed sarcastically, "Oh yeah, cause I would just love to see his face when I tell him I fucked you. Why are you bring this up?"

"I was just wondering." MacTavish lay back down.

"Well, there's no point. Me and Ghost don't work; we couldn't fight, and both just gave up."

Roach got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"Where you going?"

"For a walk." Roach walked out, slamming the door.

The weather had been awful on base; pouring rain had made the place a complete mud puddle. Roach tried climbing his favorite tree, made a wrong move, and fell to the ground, landing in the mud. He stood up, covered in mud, "Fuck's sake!"

Roach quietly walked into the showers, got undressed, and was about to take a shower, until he heard a light moan. Making his way through the showers to find the noise, he jumped in surprise seeing Ghost standing there, jerking himself off.

"Shit, sorry." Roach quickly averted his eyes.

"What the fuck, Roach?!"

"Sorry, I heard a moan, thought someone may have fell."

"Really? You couldn't put two and two together and come up with four? Moaning and showers?"

"I didn't think most people don't do it in the showers."

"Yeah, well, whatever." All the excitement had left Ghost's body, and he carried on showering, "Fucking bug."

Roach walked over to the shower, laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" Ghost asked, baffled.

"I don't know. Guess it's weird, hearing that." Roach shrugged.

"What?"

"Bug."

The two stood there, showering. Roach could see Ghost out of the corner of his eye, and he couldn't help but stare at him.

"I miss you..." Ghost's voice was almost a whisper, and Roach only barely heard the words, but it made him smile.

For the first time in a long time, it was a genuine smile, and he felt happy hearing them, "I miss you, too."

Roach heard Ghost turn off his shower, and he hoped, so much, that he was coming to him. Ghost walked passed, Roach quickly turned around, and before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed Ghost's hands, and the words slipped out, "I want you."

Ghost tilted his head, with a small smile, "Here?"

Roach didn't realize until now, how much he missed that smile, "Yes...here."

Ghost pushed Roach up against the cold tiled wall, as the hot water dripped on their skin. They were locked in a passionate, all consuming kiss. Roach wrapped his arms around Ghost's neck, holding him there. Ghost pushed his hips against Roach's, their erections rubbing against each other.

"I want you, Simon." Roach's words were delicate.

Ghost kissed at a soft spot on Roach's neck, making a moan tear from his lips. Ghost moved his hands all over Roach's body; he missed the feel of this man's skin. H wrapped his hand around Roach's erection, moving up and down, slowly. Roach followed after a few moments, mimicking Ghost's movements, as he rested his head on Ghost's chest, "Fuck...Simon!"

Ghost lifted Roach's head, and brought their lips together again; the pleasure was consuming their bodies. Roach's head tilted back, against the wall, as he cried out, "Simon!"

Ghost soon followed, reaching his climax; they stood, with their foreheads pressed against each other. Roach looked up to see Ghost had his eyes closed as he placed a hand on Roach's cheek. Ghost opened his eyes, "I want you, Roach." Ghost's voice was careful.

Roach walked away and started to get dressed. Ghost followed him, he got dressed while he watched Roach carefully. As Roach was about to walk out, Ghost grabbed his hand and made him sit down, "Why aren't you saying anything?"

Roach, again, was about to cry, but this time it wasn't Ghost's fault; it was his own, he had messed things up so much.

"What's wrong?" Ghost tilted his head.

"I'm so sorry, Ghost, but I can't, and its not because of you. Things will never be the same."

"Yes, they will...I promise." Ghost took of his T-shirt, as he got down on his knees, in front of Roach, "I want you to touch me."

Roach's eyes went wide. '_No, he shouldn't be doing this, he doesn't know what I've done.'_

Ghost grabbed Roach's hand, "I want you to, Roach. I know we fought a lot, but I know it's better to have you, than not."

Roach knelt down on the floor, in front of Ghost, "I told you, it's too hard." Roach knew he was lying, but he couldn't tell Ghost the truth; he couldn't hurt anymore than he already was.

"No! Not this time!" Ghost held Roach's hand, as he softly placed it on his chest.

Roach gently ran his hands across the skin; it was soft, but rough, and he loved it. He saw a small scar, and he remembered what happened before, but, again, he tried. Roach looked up to see Ghost had completely tensed up. Roach felt awful; he didn't deserve this.

Roach remembered the last week, and he quickly removed his hand; he leaned in, gently kissing Ghost, "I'm so sorry." Roach got up and left, once again, having to leave Ghost.

Roach walked into MacTavish's office and slouched down in the chair, sighing loudly, "I have fucked up so much."

MacTavish sat there watching him, "Why now?"

"Ghost wanted me back."

"That's great!"

"I couldn't, not with what I've done." Roach stood up, and started pacing up and down, "I thought he'd never want me back, I thought it was over..."

"Maybe you should just tell him, he might understand."

"He won't, he'll just hate me." Roach turned to face MacTavish, narrowing his eyes, "This is your entire fault!"

MacTavish's mouth fell open, "How? Pretty sure, Roach, it was you coming to me, and you kissed me."

"You could have pushed me away!"

"We all have our issues, Roach. Maybe I needed someone too, and you being there was perfect for me, just as me being there was good for you."

Roach slouched back down in the chair, "I should never have fucked you."

"Hindsight's a bitch." MacTavish said, with a smug smile.

The door swung open and MacTavish's eyes went wide. Roach turned around, curiously, to see Ghost standing in the door way, "Ghost?"

Ghost smirked, "I understand now..."

Ghost slammed the door shut, Roach quickly got up as he ran after him, "Ghost! Wait!"

Ghost spun around, coming face to face with Roach, "What? What could you possible want to tell me? That you're sorry and that it was a mistake? I'm pretty sure that's what I told you, when you found out about Lilly, but you still walked out on me, you still left me! So, come on, Roach, give me your great excuse as to why you fucked MacTavish!"

Roach was in shock at Ghost's outburst, but to be fair, he was right. How could Ghost forgive him when he walked out on Ghost? '_I've lost him, there's no way he loves me. He can't, I'm an idiot. I care about him so much, and yet I've hurt him so badly.'_

"I love you." was the only thing Roach could think of saying, because he needed Ghost to know how much he did love him; even if he didn't believe it. Ghost didn't say anything, and Roach could hear his heart beating fast in his chest. He needed Ghost to say something, anything. Roach looked closely, to see a single tear run down Ghost's cheek. With that, Ghost turned around and started to walk away.

"Ghost?" Roach's voice was quiet, almost a whisper.

Ghost stopped, "I don't love you."

You could hear the tears in his words, he began to walk away again. Roach just stood there, glued to the floor, not able to move. Ghost's words spinning around in his head. '_I don't love you.'_

Roach hadn't been with Ghost long, but he knew, deep down, he had loved him for so much longer. Even though, right now, he was walking away from him, he still loved him.

Roach was walking back to his room when he heard someone yelling his name. Turning around, he saw MacTavish, jogging towards him, "What do you want?" Roach's tone was sour.

"Ditch the tone, Sergeant, we've got a mission."

"What mission?"

"Follow me."

Roach sat in the briefing room with just MacTavish, who chucked a file in front of him. MacTavish sat down in the opposite chair, "We're going to be infiltrating a Russian base to retrieve an ACS module from a crashed satellite."

"When will we be leaving, sir?"

"In about 8 hours, so you have to prepare."

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